Abstract: This paper compares the approaches to communication taken by two self help authors, Stephen R. Covey and Brad Blanton. (10 pages; 1 page outline; 5 sources; MLA citation style.
Self Help Books
Outline
IIntroduction
General introduction
Methodology of Book Selection
Description of Paper
IIAuthors and Their Credentials
Stephen R. Covey
University lecturer
Covey Leadership Center
Brad Blanton
Activist
Psychologist
Counselor
IIIPrinciples of Communication
Stephen R. Covey
Personality Ethic
Character Ethic
Empathic Listening
Autobiographical Responses
empathic listening Methods
(Mimic, Rephrase, Repeat Feeling, Rephrase and Reflect)
Brad Blanton
Anger
Confrontational Methods
(Confront person with issue, unrestrained expression of anger, pay attention to physicality, appreciate other’s good points, stay with the feeling, let go)
IVValue of the Books
VCritical Reception
VIConclusion
VIIReferences
Self-Help Books
IIntroduction
Self-help books are a major industry in the United States. Sometimes considered genuinely helpful, sometimes considered an obvious joke, they are an important part of the book trade. This paper will consider two self-help books in general and what they say about effective communications between individuals in particular.
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The methodology I used to find the books was simple: I did a search for “effective communication between individuals” in the public library’s on-line database. There were only three hits, but one was instantly recognizable: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. This book has been selling consistently for years, so it seemed a good choice. When I went to get it, I simply scanned the books near it, and found another self-help book that deals with communication: Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton, Ph.D.
Additionally, there is a request to “relate communications principles and theories covered in the course to those … [in the books].” As I have no idea what the coursework has covered, I cannot address this point.
We’ll take a look at the authors’ credentials; the principles they advocate (this is the largest section); the value of the books; and their reception.
IIAuthors and Their Credentials
Stephen R. Covey is a Mormon, born and raised in Utah. He has an MBA from Harvard and a doctorate from Brigham Young University; at Brigham Young he was “a professor of organization behavior and business management and … administrative assistant to the president and director of university relations.” (“Stephen R. Covey,” PG).
The lectures on character building that he gave during his tenure at BYU were so popular that he began to lecture publicly, and in 1985 he founded the Covey Leadership Center to present his theories to managers, entrepreneurs and others. He has received numerous awards, including the 1994 International Entrepreneur of the Year Award. (“Stephen R. Covey,” PG).
Brad Blanton earned his doctorate from the University of Texas when he was 25, but “he attributes the bulk of his education to years spent as an activist in the civil rights movement, marching against the Vietnam war, living as a hippie in an old school bus and a fierce dedication to self-discovery and honesty.” (“About the Author: Brad Blanton”, PG).
Blanton worked for years in academia, government and private enterprise before settling into practice as a private psychotherapist in Washington, D.C. He practiced for 25 years counseling couples, groups and individuals; he now counsels people on how to live according to their own personal truths, which is the basis of the book. He lives in a small town in the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia. (“About the Author: Brad Blanton”, PG).
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It seems odd to note that Blanton is a trained psychotherapist whereas Covey’s background is in business. However, Covey’s book has proven more popular.
IIIThe Principles of Communication
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey first describes the base on which his entire theory rests: the difference between the “Personality Ethic” and the “Character Ethic.” He formulated his theory as he surveyed self-help literature of the past 200 years. The Personality Ethic drives the more recent works, but the earlier ones are devoted to the Character Ethic, which he sees as the foundation of success. It consists of:
“…things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty , and the Golden Rule. Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically, the story of one man’s effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature.
“The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.” (Covey, p. 18).
In the decades since WWII, the Personality Ethic has taken center stage. It says that success depends on public image, personality, and attitudes and behaviors that “lubricate the processes of human interaction.” (Covey, p. 19).
Part of this approach is valid, as in maxims such as “You can do whatever you believe you can do” and similar sentiments; part of it is false, consisting of manipulative techniques to get people to do what others want them to do. These techniques include things like faking an interest in someone’s family or hobbies to gain their cooperation.
I’m explaining these principles in some detail because they are the bedrock on which Covey rests his principle of effective communication, which he calls “empathic communication,” and which he further describes as “listen first to understand, then to be understood.” (Covey, pp. 236-237).
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This is the main point: effective communication is based on understanding the other person’s point of view clearly before we present our own. And this is where the Character Ethic comes in, for in order to truly understand another person, we have to radiate the kind of character that will allow them to open up to us. If they distrust us, if they think we’re manipulative or merely using them as a means to our own ends, there will be no effective communication, because they won’t trust us enough to tell us what the real problems are:
“If you want to interact effectively with me, to influence me … you first need to understand me. And you can’t do that with technique [Personality Ethic] alone. If I sense you’re using some technique … I wonder … what your motives are. And I don’t feel safe enough to open myself up to you. … Your example flows naturally out of your character, or the kind of person you truly are—not what others say you are or what you may want me to think you are.” (Covey, p. 238).
Empathic listening, as I said, means that we clearly understand the other person’s point of view, his concerns and fears, and respect them. The best thing to do at this point is to say something like, “Let me make sure I understand you completely,” and then restate the other person’s views in your own words. This is not a trick; you are not merely parroting the other person. At this point you should absolutely empathize with his position, and he should instinctively feel that empathy and your sincerity. When he feels that you are literally “standing in his shoes” real communication can take place.
Being an empathic listener is risky, because it means you must abandon your position of superiority and you may find yourself becoming vulnerable to another person’s viewpoint. “You become vulnerable. It’s a paradox, in a sense, because in order to have influence, you have to be influenced. That means you have to really understand.” (Covey, p. 243).
Other components of empathic listening are “diagnose before you prescribe”, be aware of your autobiographical responses, and appreciate the difference between understanding and perception.
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Stephen R. Covey is a well-known writer of many self-help books. He is one of the leading writers in this genre of writing. His book, ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,’ was published over twenty years ago. Its fifteenth anniversary edition was released in the year 2004 to mark its amazing success. Apart from being a writer, Stephen R. Covey is also a humanist, an academician and a ...
The first principle, “diagnose before you prescribe,” applies to doctors, lawyers—and people trying to communicate. It doesn’t help to go rushing in with advice unless you have first listened and understood the real heart of the other person’s discourse.
Autobiographical responses are those automatic replies we make based on our own life experiences. There are four of them, and they come from us, not from the other person: evaluation, probing, advising, and interpretation. Evaluating the other’s statements means that we either agree or disagree; when we probe, we ask questions based in our own frame of reference, not theirs; when we advise, we “give counsel based on our own experience” and when we interpret, we try to explain the behavior of others based on our own motives and behavior. (Covey, p. 245).
Obviously, then, these four autobiographical responses are rooted in us, not in the person to whom we’re speaking, and they will effectively derail the communication.
Covey lists four steps to learning how to listen empathically: mimic the content (repeat it); rephrase the content; reflect the feeling of the speaker as he talks; and rephrase the content and reflect the feeling. You’re now listening empathically, and the results are likely to be surprisingly effective for both parties.
There’s much more to Covey’s work, as he is one of the most popular authors in the field, but I’d like to move on to Blanton, and particularly to his chapter on anger. Blanton’s style is as different from Covey’s as it’s possible to imagine. He’s much less formal, and uses a great many four-letter words to make his point, though he does so quite effectively. It’s like turning from a scholarly work to a “Survivor”-style TV show.
Anger is a difficult emotion for anyone to handle; often we’re told that it’s an inappropriate response and should never be expressed. We are afraid of showing others that we’re angry with them, and so we stifle it, turn it inwards—and become depressed. The persistent stifling of anger and resentment, rather than expressing it directly to the person with whom we are angry, is, according to Blanton, one of our most dangerous tendencies.
“Most people … won’t express their resentment in person to the person at whom they are angry. Instead, they gossip, complain, criticize, fantasize about telling the person off, and let it out in other indirect ways. Suppression and displacement to ideas, indignation, and judgments … usually work well enough that by the time we males reach 18 years of age and some elder asshole tells us to kill some people to defend some bullshit principle, we run right out and do it.” (Blanton, p. 125).
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It’s important to learn how to handle anger because it is a powerful emotion that most of us experience on a daily basis, and yet we have been conditioned not to deal with it. (“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”) Blanton says that suppressing anger doesn’t resolve anything, it merely leads to long-term resentment. It’s far better to confront the person with whom we’re angry, let that anger out—even if it’s a huge explosion—and then move on. So how do we handle this type of confrontation, which is extremely difficult for most people? Blanton lays out six specific steps in this regard.
First, we have to tell the person with whom we are angry what specifically we are angry about. And we have to do it face-to-face. Second, we have to be “verbally and vocally unrestrained with regard to volume and propriety”; in other words, we should yell and swear, if we feel like it, without regard to what others think, say or do. Third, we have to pay attention to how we feel physically as we speak. Anger may make us shake; may make our heads pound and our stomachs turn over; our hands may clench and our jaws tighten. We need to be aware of all these physical effects as we speak. Fourth, if anything comes up about the other person that we appreciate, we must express those sentiments as well as our resentments. Fifth, we must “stay” with the feelings that are coming up until the process is complete, now matter how silly, stupid or embarrassed we may feel. And sixth, we must continue the conversation until we no longer feel resentful of the other person. (Blanton, p. 144).
The point of this direct confrontation with our anger, a confrontation that is specific, direct, and which we must do while we are angry with the other person for the action or comment that we are talking about, is to enable us to resolve the issue, let the anger go, and move on.
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Of course the other person is quite likely to blast right back, because such strong emotion usually calls up an equally strong response. But you’ll note that many of these steps tie in with Covey’s advice about empathic listening, except this time you’re on the other end of the conversation.
IVThe Value of the Books
Self-help books are valuable to the extent that they can assist people to identify problems; they also provide reassurance that others suffer from the same illnesses and anxieties. At times, a self-help book will provide sufficient insight for a person to find a solution to his difficulties.
In general, though, self-help books only do part of the job, and can sometimes make problems worse. For example, one book suggests dealing with anger by punching a pillow, yelling and screaming. But researchers found that taking such aggressive action only kept the anger alive; further, people who did this exercise were more aggressive with others they met later. A better idea was to see a funny movie, listen to music, or read. (Paul, PG).
Self-help books seem to be a good starting point, provided the reader is aware of the author’s credentials and understands that there are many situations in which seeing a professional is still the best option.
VCritical Reception
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has been on the best-seller lists for years, including an uninterrupted four-year-plus run on the “New York Times” list. It is a legendary book at this point; one of the seminal works in all the self-help literature. Critics praised it for its insight and it continues to sell well 15 years after it was first published.
Radical Honesty stands at #5,463 on the Amazon sales list; extremely good for a site with hundreds of thousands of offerings. However, it does seem likely to achieve the instant recognition of 7 Habits; Blanton employs a confrontational style that many critics found off-putting, and his use of profanity disappointed and dismayed others.
VIConclusion
Both books are interesting, and both are enlightening because they approach the subject of communication using very different techniques. But like all self-help books, they only go so far. Questions that are not covered in such works are probably the province of a professional.
VIIReferences
“About the Author: Brad Blanton.” Amazon.com [Web site]. 1996-2003. Accessed: 9 Jul 2003. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/-/books/0440507545/reviews/104-3767759-9098369#04405075455000
Blanton, Brad. Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth. New York: Dell Publishing, 1996.
Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. New York: Fireside—Simon & Schuster, 1990.
Paul, Annie Murphy. “Self-Help: Shattering the Myths.” Psychology Today March 2001: 60+. Retrieved 9 July 2003 from The Gale Group, San Diego Public Library, San Diego, CA: http://web3.infotrac.galegroup.com/itw/infomark/819/59/62932932w3/purl=rc1_ITOF_0_A71189922&dyn=12!xrn_20_0_A71189922?sw_aep=sddp_main
“Stephen R. Covey.” Enterprise Media [Web site]. 1996-2003. Accessed: 9 Jul 2003. http://www.enterprisemedia.com/Biography.html#anchor569785
