The Smile I Will Never Forget By Matthew Tolman There is no doubt in my mind that my Papa was the most considerate and kind man I have ever met. No matter what I needed he could always solve it with a few kind words and a loving smile that would cut through my chest and warmed my heart. I shared a bond with him from birth that could never be broken. When I was an infant I would wail and pout and no one could make me stop from continuing the onslaught of tears and pain except him. He would look at me in a way that would put me in complete tranquillity.
Everything seemed to phase out into a strange faded light and everything was out of focus except his face and eyes. Is eyes were so calming I would stop in mid-shriek just to stare at him if only for a few moments. I remember when I would sit down on his lap when my parents and I would take a trip to their house in Margate. I would sit on his lap and watch television with him as we talked and laughed at the pleasing and humorous images that should appear on the screen. I suppose that’s why it hurt me so bad when he died. I didn’t cry at first.
I guess I was in a state of shock that someone I love so much would be gone in what seemed like such a short amount of time. I was angry with myself for not crying and I couldn’t bear to go to the first day of the funeral because I thought I would do something even worse like laugh hysterically during the showing of the body. I eventually got the nerve to push myself in a “I wouldn’t dare” frame of mind and I made an appearance during day two of the showing. My mother requested that I go pay my final respects to him.
I picked myself up out of my chair and approached what was to be my loving grandfathers’ final resting-place. As I reached the casket I saw his midriff first. I worked my way up and saw his new gray suit with gold buttons tha seamed to gleam like individual stars on his lower chest like a small constellation. I saw his upper chest next. It was short but broad and made him seem much bigger than he really was. Then, I came to his face and began to tear up uncontrollably.
As I looked at his face I saw a pale white sheet with a flesh-tone makeup that was meant to make him look as if he was still animate. It worked to little avail. Then I saw his lips pursed into a faint but familiar smile. It was the same smile that I knew when I cried and the same smile I knew that could always bring a smile to my face and joy to my heart. I was crying for the loss my family and I had to cope with, and smiling.
Even after he passed on to a better place, he brought a smile to my face that drove it’s way to my soul. That is truly a smile I will never forget.
