Wife or Slave?: An Essay on Female Roles in Society
“Do you woman, take this man, to become his concubine, to pamper and slave over, through sickness and in health, now and forever, till he decides to replace you…?” With vows as “tempting” as these being presented at the altar, surely females would jump at the chance to be married, right? Men, as well as women, have requests of their significant others, some requests are expected, others slightly selfish. An agreement is eventually reached, or tension mounts between the two. There are always small percentages of males that exhibit the characteristics of the common caveman…always wanting, but never giving. Ironically enough, there’s always that same percentage of women that accept the ways of the caveman…waiting, hand and foot, on the male with no hope of equality. Despite the thoughts displayed in Judy Brady’s “I Want a Wife,” the typical male isn’t searching for a mate to subjugate over. He is searching for someone to compromise with, to receive from and to give to equally.
Brady, both a wife and a mother, hides behind her title as “feminist writer” to give her writings a somewhat harmless look about them. Unfortunately, her degradation of the opposite sex gives readers an unclouded view of her sexist attitude. To soften the blow against males she throws at her readers, she takes the liberty of taking on a male role. With this, she accomplishes her ulterior motives. First, she implicitly attacks males, not openly so that her readers won’t immediately tag her as the bad guy. This makes her accusations and insinuations seem like a harmless show of opinion. Second, she speaks from our point of view as a subtle way of mocking us. She makes us out to be little boys, helpless and overly demanding to women, even uneducated. “I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent on me” (Brady 274).
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Honestly, there are men that want their wives to do most of the work in the house, both his and hers; that can’t be denied. To say that males want their wives to pay for their schooling is ludicrous. As if a male being helpless dependants wasn’t enough, Brady also makes males out to be insensitive and uncaring to the feelings of their wives. Most males are willing to listen to the problems of their wives, so long as they get the same in return. Males do not go into a marriage looking for an open relationship with the option of forgetting about their current wife to start anew. If that’s the mentality men keep, then why even bother getting married?
By having a sexist attitude towards the opposite sex, Brady harshly attempts to explain what males want of their wives. “I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs…I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life” (275).
These are not outrageous demands. Surely females want the same from their husband, maybe more. Plus, what person doesn’t want a spouse to keep the house clean, care for them him/her or the children when they may be sick, satisfy him/her sexually, etc? What is the point of having a wife if she chooses to not do those things expected in a marriage? The things that are tolerated in a marriage solely are up to that particular married couple. Stuff like sex on command, having a wife that is a good cook, and tolerating all of the husband’s friends may be leaning more towards the wants of the male, but I’m sure wives want certain things also.
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Maybe Brady feels her attitude towards males is justified because of the “wives belong in the home” mentality that was present during her writing. This just poses as an excuse to downsize males. The time of publishing is in no way relevant to Brady’s harsh attempt to explain what men want of their wives. Even in times of great sexual inequality, males were never as demanding as she claims them to be. On the contrary, Brady just takes advantage of the fact that men are always in the spotlight for their seemingly overcoming masculinity. She’s covering up the fact that women are more demanding than men. At the time of writing “I Want a Wife,” there were no sane men who wanted their wives to go out and get jobs in order to put the husband through school. Men of that time wanted their wives to stay and care for the home. Men of that time certainly didn’t want their wives to take care of financial responsibilities for them. In those days, a man who was financially dependant on his wife was looked down upon; he was less than a man. Anyone who has traveled in a car with a man knows his pride comes first. So, with men being historically known for letting their pride cloud their better judgment, does Brady actually think her readers will believe that men of that time were that demanding?
Brady shows a somewhat sexist attitude towards the opposite sex, is harsh in her attempt to explain what husbands want of wives, and ironically proves that time has no relevance to the opinion she harbors. Males are not searching for wives to domineer over and make into mindless slaves. Despite hearsay, males are very much willing to make exceptions for their wives if necessary. They even sacrifice what means the most to them to keep their wives content. Of course, females are the ones known to be dominative. Maybe the males aren’t the source of conflict in the matter of who wants what. Brady might have been better off writing “I Want a Husband.”
