Good afternoon, I’ve tried to get round to everyone over the past few days but to those who I have not had a chance to introduce myself to, Hi, I’m Steven, Kenny’s best man, I’m from England, we used to run the world before you did.
Today is an historic day, not only is it the monumental occasion of Ken and Jess’s wedding but also the birthdays of Bruce Willis who is 50 today and Kelly Holmes, the UK’s double Olympic gold medallist, who is 35.
Now Kenny’s told me I’m only allowed 5 minutes for this speech. He was my best man and his speech was over 20 minutes and I must say did drag on a bit, so I’m not sure if the 5 minute limit I have is just how you do things over here, or if it’s quarter of an hour less dirt I’m allowed to say about him than he did of me.
Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank Kenny for his kind words and also add from Jess her thanks for how well they have assisted her, not only today but also in the build up. You are her dearest friends and family. I must say, all the bridesmaids and flower girls do look fantastic and compliment Jess superbly.
Jess, you look absolutely stunning, a million dollars, or GBP522,438.74. And Ken, you’ve done well as yesterday she only looked GBP518,510.84 so you’ve actually made nearly 4 thousand pounds. Now it is unusual to actually make money on your wife, as most men would agree, women usually cost money.
After viewing the film To Kill A Mocking Bird, I found it to be a very interesting and an informative piece of work. To see how people lived in the years during the great depression and how society was structured was enlightening. The Finch family lived a modest lifestyle, as compared to other families during that time. The movie centers around the Finch family and their day to day life. From the ...
Lucie and I first met Jess about 2 years ago and we knew then what a wonderful person she is. Kenny has gone back and forward so often we don’t really miss him anymore, but we are always sad to see Jess go. That goes to show just how much of an impact she has had on us so we can understand how Kenny has become so smitten.
As already mentioned, Kenny was my best man. He did an excellent job and can fully recommend him if anyone else needs a best man in the future. I can only hope I have done as much for you as you did for me. However, in his speech he did bring up some things I would really have preferred him not to. I’m not going to retaliate, I don’t think it’s the right time to discuss with his friends and family anything to do with his prison sentence or the time he spent in rehab.
I’d like to start with this little gem from a golfing holiday in Florida. It was during his sensible stage. The boys would all go out for dinner and a few beers, Kenny would head back for an early night at about 10:30. The others would roll in about 3 and play a game by turning the stereo on and time how long it took Kenny to storm into the lounge to tell them off. By the 4th night he had it down fine art and his record time stood at about 4 seconds. However the sensible stage has passed and now it’s him who is the last man standing.
Another golfing holiday story from a few years ago comes from Puerto Banus. Kenny, beyond the sensible stage of his life and well beyond his alcohol tolerance, was encouraged to head onto the empty dance floor. His dance routine to the Las Ketchup song went down so well he was mobbed by about 10 Spanish school girls who made a circle around him and clapped him through the rest of the song. Now as you like the song so much I thought what a perfect wedding present it would be for you, both the English and Spanish versions. Maybe later in the bar you can give us a demo of your moves. Unfortunately for me, the source of my story got it wrong at first and told me it was the Macarena so I also have this. As a lover of tacky pop tunes and as it forms no part of my CD collection I would also like to give you this, Oh sorry Ken, what was that, you’ve already got it. Maybe you can lead the way on the Macerena after Las Ketchup.
Continuing with the musical theme, Kenny, or DJ Kenny Ken Ken The Karaoke King as he was known on the circuit, did win the South East regional Karaoke finals, well the competition at our local bar but that doesn’t sound so impressive, with his renditions of Chris De Burgh’s Lady in Red and George Michael’s Faith, so Kenny, not wanting to put you on the spot, I thought it would be nice for you to give us a little burst of your talents now, maestro, please….only joking.
I never realised how important time is until I started university. Getting the best out of you studies in university is forgoing one thing for another. (opportunity cost). When I first started university I was working full time. As time went by I realised that I just could not cope, so I decided to work part-time while studying. I can now cope better with my school work load and can produce a ...
When Ken first started work in Atlanta six years ago, on his return home, he would often stay with us so we got a good insight into what it is like living with him. I cannot think of anything better to give Jess than this….[put on a cloths peg]. Kenny’s feet stink. His shoes were never allowed in our house and had to stay in the porch.
Words can only provide so much humiliation, that is why I thought it was nice for you to have some pictures on your tables, brought to you with compliments from Apps photo graphics and Horne designers, so thank you for your help in adding to Kenny’s embarrassment.
One of the photos is Kenny in his uniform from when he was in the TA. For the benefit of our American friends, the English Territorial Army is the equivalent of your Special Forces. When Kenny went to sign up for the TA, being the workaholic person he is, not content playing soldiers with guns and helicopters and all other sorts of boys toys he asked if there were any desk jobs.
Kenny is a very dedicated to his work. How many other people would have a link to their place of work on their wedding web site?
The other week Kenny acted out a comedy moment that I thought only really happened in films or cartoons. He put his lap top on the roof of the car, and then remembered it was Bin day so went to sort that out, got in the car and went to work. You can imagine his fear when he got to work and the lap top was not there beside him. Kenny loves his lap top, it never leaves his side and is almost a permanent extension to his fingers. Luckily for him, he did find his best friend by the side of the road, albeit slightly injured, she was still operational.
So I’ve broken my 5 minutes but some things have to be said regardless of any time limit. You have chosen a beautiful setting for today and we are all so pleased to be sharing this day with you. Kenny, you are an amazing friend to Lucie and I and also a superb Godfather to Georgia and Amelia. It’s not only us who think so much of you, you can see by how many people are here today just what you mean to so many.
My older friend next door once told me that if I shut my eyes and blew on a candle, all of my wishes would come true... I used to believe her and go around the house candle hunting. How my parents must have laughed to see me scrambling around the furniture, picking up the candles around the room, and blowing the little flame out until my cheeks hurt. I made the most outrageous wishes. I wished to ...
Jess, you are very lucky to have him, but Ken I do have to say I think you’ve got the better in this deal. Jess you are truly a remarkable person and as dear as friend to us as Kenny is. We wish you the very best of happiness in your futures together.
So Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please be upstanding to join me in a toast to the bride and groom….Ken and Jess.