I began binge-eating when I was about seventeen. I was lonely, shy, and lacking in self-esteem. Every binge made me feel worse, and mead me hate myself more. I punished myself with more and more food. Within months I was binge eating as a matter of course, and I gained weight rapidly. I loathed myself and only continued with normal life by pretending to be normal .
bulimia nervosa is a psychiatric disorder that is characterized by recurrent eating binges that are followed by self-induced vomiting or by laxative abuse.
During eating binges large amounts of easily ingested foods are consumed in a short period of time. Binges almost always take place in secret. The binges take place in private and often, an appearance of normal eating is maintained in front of others. Binges usually take place where food supplies are kept, often the kitchen. Usually,
The food in a binge is consumed very quickly. It is stuffed into the mouth almost mechanically and barely chewed. The first moments of binges are usually described as pleasurable; but soon all the since of taste and pleasure is lost. People describe binges as frantic and desperate . The powerful craving for food is overwhelming. So overwhelming that it drives them to behave in ways quite alien to their character. They will take food belonging to their friends, steal from stores, or eat food that others have thrown away. True binges typically consist of bulk foods, which are filling, and high in calories. They also tend to be foods people regard as fattening and which they are attempting to exclude from their diet. Binges are usually triggered by, breaking a dietary rule, discovering clothes to be too tight or small, discovering weight to be higher than expected, or feeling miserable or depressed.
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I eat until I literally cannot eat anymore. Then using my fingers I make myself sick. Over the next half-hour, drink water in between vomits, I purge all the food from my stomach. I then feel despondent, depressed, alone, and desperately scared because I have lost control again. I feel physically terrible: exhausted, puffy eyed, dizzy, weak, and my throat hurts. I am also scared because I know it s dangerous.
A great majority of the people with bulimia nervosa compensate for overeating by making themselves vomit. This is done in privacy and in secret. Vomiting is typically done by sticking the fingers or another object down the throat to induce the gag reflex. About a quarter of the people with bulimia nervosa who vomit have voluntary control over the gag reflex. That means they are able to vomit at will simply by leaning forward of by pressing their hand on their stomach. How often people with bulimia induce vomiting varies considerably. Some people vomit just once after a binge, others will do so repedidtly, sometimes for up to an hour. This process is physically and emotionally exhausting. Some use the flushing technique: they vomit, drink water, vomit again, drink again, and so on; they do repeat this process until the water returns clean and they feel confident that they have eliminated all the food they possibly can. Some people who find it difficult to vomit take additional substances to induce nausea chemically . They may drink salt water, or occasionally domestic chemicals, such as shampoo. Others take syrup pieces of Ipecac. All of these practices are dangerous and have a variety of toxic effects.
I read in a magazine about people using laxatives as a way of purging themselves. I d tried vomiting but couldn t do it. So I went out and bought some laxatives and downed ten after every binge. I know deep down that they didn t really do anything to counter act the binge, but they made me feel empty and cleansed.
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One in five people with bulimia nervosa attempt to compensate for having binged by taking laxatives. They do this because they believe that the laxatives will reduce the food absorption. This is not the case. There are a number of complications associated with using laxatives as a method of weight control. One of these is that, if laxatives taken regularly, the body will get used to them and higher and higher doses are needed to produce an effect. Some people end up taking considerable quantities (up to 100 times the normal dose).
Other methods of compensation include, excessive exercise, and appetite suppressors, which there is no evidence to suggest that these drugs are an effective way of reducing the frequency of binge eating.
My confidence and feelings of self-worth are deeply rooted in the idea that I must be physically attractive, i.e. thin. When I put on weight, even one pound, I risk being unattractive, and I see my future as bleak and lonely. This thought fills me with despair, so I force my self to eat as little as possible.
Bulimia, as well as other eating disorders, tends to be triggered by family and relationship problems. Bulimia can also be a symptom of a larger problem, such as depression, low self-esteem, or sexual abuse. Bulimia usually develops at a time in a person s life when a big change is taking place. This could be a parent s divorce, moving to another town, changing schools, or going off to college. It could also be a trauma, such as rape of sexual assault. When these experiences occur during the teen years, when teens are experiencing changes in their bodies, an eating disorder could develop bulimia usually begins in adolescence or early adulthood. It is twenty times more frequent in women than in men and is especially common among high school, and college-age women. Anyone can develop bulimia. While it affects mostly white, middle-to upper-class females, it can also happen to males and adults who hold good jobs. But it also can happen to people who have problems, such as addiction. Athletes are also vulnerable to bulimia, particularly with sports that connect weight with performance. It can be a problem for dancers, weight lifters, wrestlers, gymnasts, swimmers, and long distance runners. Males with bulimia may be reluctant to get help. They may feel that bulimia is a female problem and be too embarrassed to get help.
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The treatment for bulimia usually includes individual or group psychotherapy and antidepressant medications. Treating bulimia can be a long and complicated process. Some have said that recovering from bulimia was the toughest job they have ever had. Once a person is in a treatment program, it may take as long as six months to two years before he or she can stop the binge-purge cycle, but there is no specific time frame for recovery. The longer someone has had bulimia, the harder it is to break the habits. The earlier it is treated, the better the chances are for recovery.
