EDUCATION, SPECIAL TOPICS: COPING WITH STUDENT PROBLEMS IN THE CLASSROOM: DEALING IN DISCIPLINE THOMAS GORDON active listening THOMAS GORDON ACTIVE LISTENING Thomas Gordon feels that one the most effective ways of responding to children s feeling or problem messages is the invitation to say more or as he calls it, the door opener. This type of response invites the child to share his own feelings or ideas. The important thing is that the listener does not communicate any of his own judgments or feelings. When the listener refrains from asking questions, giving advice, teaching or moralizing, the student feels encouraged to start and continue talking. Gordon feels that this is because this technique conveys acceptance and respect forthe student by validating his right to express his feelings. As successful as this technique is, there is another which has been shown to be even more effective.
This is the technique of active listening. In active listening, both the sender and the receiver of messages are involved. In this method, the door ofcommunication is not merely opened, but participants learn how to keep it open. Gordon says that in order to learn how to listen actively, the teacher or parent must understand more about the communication process. He says that when a child decides to communicate with a parent or teacher, it is because he has a need.
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In life there are many difficult situations that some people can just get past and move on where others become stuck and unable to move on effectively. In some cases these people will use family, friends or work colleagues to assists them, but in some cases this is either too hard to talk about due to its personal nature or the embarrassment it may cause. This is where counselling can be very ...
The child s organism is in a state of disequilibrium because there is something going on inside him. He wants, or needs something. In order to bring the organism back to a state of equilibrium the child begins to talk. Gordon gives the example of hunger. When a child is hungry, he must communicate his hunger to someone else. He selects a signal he thinks represents his hunger to the other person.
The child picks a code (encoding process) and perhaps says, When is dinner ready, mom The mother might decode the message accurately and understand that th child is hungry. However, she might decode the message inaccurately and communication might break down. In active listening, the mother could check on the accuracy of her decoding by telling the child her thoughts. Once the child hears the mother s feedback, he is able to tell her mother that she decoded wrong. As communication continues, the mother will have a true understanding of his message. An example of a correctly decoded message given by Gordon is: – Child: Guess what Dad I made the basketball team.
-Parent: You re really feeling great about that. -Child: Am When this happens the child verifies the accuracy of the parents decoding by an expression that shows that the parent understood. In active listening the receiver tries to understand what the sender is feeling. He puts the understanding in his own words and sends it back for the sender s verification. The receiver does not put a value judgment or give an opinion about the message. He tries to feed back the sender s own message.
The technique of active listening is not always easy for teachers and parents to adopt, because they are used to questioning, judging and preaching. However, the results of this method of communication are often quick and dramatic. Active listening helps children become less afraid of negative feelings because they see that the listener accepts those feelings. Active listening can also help promote a relationship of warmth between a child and his parent or teacher and this can open the lines ofcommunication even more.
