Self-development requires that you evaluate three precepts. They are, what it is that you wish to be, what it is that others believe you to be and what it is that you are. The educational experience of self-development of one’s life and soul is as ragged as an old wooden roller coaster. I remember the class that I was taking. It was a military class for my LPN. The desk that I sat at must have been from World War I.
It was one of those desks that have the chair attached to it. The linoleum-covered wood had been chipped away about 75%. There was absolutely no comfort in that seat either. It was a thin piece of wood over a metal frame and the backing sat straight up. Generalizing, it is easy to say that I am a very patient person.
For that is what is instilled in most of us to be. To be good at all things, even though not all people are good at all things or even, not all people are capable of being anything other than people. Take for instance the instructor of the class. There was always a team of instructors.
The primary instructor of this particular class was Staff Sergeant Fry. Now he is rugged. Very athletically built and able to run the 2-mile test with ease. Now he has a flat top haircut, chiseled eyes and wears his uniform starched. He falls into the category of not all people are good people. He has a dramatic effect and is more than willing to single a student out and demand a strenuous answer before the class.
As I sit at the desk during a period we are to write. I notice the desk’s top. I see some really old carvings of initials, dates, states and other pornographic pictorials. I see someone had sat in this chair in 1968.
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Perhaps that soldier was in a class in preparation for Viet Nam. Someone had written in black ink, the letters A. M. could that have been Aude y Murphy? I take out my writing tablet full of white paper and black ink pen. I start to scribble a quick letter home. After writing the letter, I flip the page and write.
“Through the perception that I am a creation of God and nature results in the first step of my self-development. From now to the end of my life and soul I will walk through life with my satchels full of passion for family, reverence for my God and the spirit of peace for myself. Honesty and honor will be my blankets that shield me from a cold world. I will smoke nothing that seeks to destroy me. My pipe will be only filled with love that I willingly share with my mate.
Woven in my hair shall be the feathers of greetings and welcome. As tribute to those friends that seek out and find my brotherhood. Around my waist is the belt of duty. Through my dedication to duty I will give my vocation the homage and adoration of exceptional competence. This obtained through studious drive and skilled mastery.
This belt holds together my public persona. Around my neck I wear the beads and brass of worldly connection. This is the beauty I wish the world to see in me. The beauty of the world I wish to see. The sparkle and luster of this world is greater than it is of darkness. Upon my breast I wear the doeskin of courage.
The courage to face all trials of life without hesitation or disappointment. The ability to take pain and manipulate it into peace. The courage to change the difficulties into positives. Upon my legs the doeskin of modesty.
I wish to never be seen as arrogant or above station. To be humble without being humbled. Upon my feet the moccasins of virtue. That I may never walk in the path of wickedness. That my life will be clean and leave no disgrace.
As I walk, God guides my steps and allows the rice paper to remain unbroken. In my right hand is the lance of discipline. Let all that know and are responsible to me be wary of my will and it’s deliverance of discipline. Tolerance will be found, along with justice for as long as the breath of life flows. In my left hand is the oak leaf of fatherhood. Sprinkled with compassion and gentleness for my children.
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By this oak leaf, may my children always know that the love of father shades them from life’s fiery sun. Lastly, upon my head rides the crown of husbandry. My greatest reason for living is to be a husband to my wife. A husband, that lives in the memory beyond death. To never hear the word sacrifice uttered from her lips. I wish to provide a life of satisfaction and completeness to my wife.
To have all that is good taken from my life and carried on into the future and all that is bad, forgiven.” I lay the pen down on the desk and look at my watch. Self-developing for me has become some exotic comparison. We all have the greatest hopes for our lives and the grander the plan the deeper the ruts that one must surpass. As I look inside and evaluate what it is that I am, I must remember that the perception of others is of great important also. A person may wish to be a star, but if the outward reception is ragged, then the presentation must be flawed.
Most classes allow students to complete a survey as to the effectiveness of the class and request solutions that may improve the presentation. I am not very willing to walk around to my family and friends and ask them to complete this questionnaire. It may take careful examination of the attitudes and reactions you receive from others. Strangers may even be able to reflect their perceptions of me when I am engaged in either a customer service issue of simply attempting to make a purchase at a local store.
The most difficult thing to discern is whether their reaction is cast back due to my action or is it their own personality that is without regard to me at all. I am sure we have all met those people that are living with bitter beer face unmindful of any of those around them. Family members are tough ones to gauge also. They may downplay a negative reaction in attempts to not be hurtful. Then again, family members could also cut you to the quick. It is a positive step to listen to others, I believe that the best option is to take those that are closest and speak with them seriously.
Request from them the honesty that you wish. Be willing to hear that honesty and be willing to work with it. It would never do to ask truth from someone and then argue with them about what it is that they return to you. To do so would be telling you something of yourself that comes into the next step. The next step is to take all of the information you have developed and turn inside and analyze it. This is probably that hardest part of the educational process to perform.
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This is where I had to admit my wrongful ways and misgivings. When I stopped and thought about myself, I knew that I was not perfect. That is simply a given. So I had to confess those things that I was not doing that harmed and those things that I was doing that harmed. Though I won’t scribe out those things in this forum. I must admit that it was quite and eye opener.
There were attributes in my personality that made me shun others that I wasn’t similar to. I couldn’t find any reason for those sorts of attitudes to appear in my personality, but they were there. The process was very trying and yet, it was also rewarding. This gave me a place to work with.
The self-development tests are three folds and have the ability to shake the soul. This educational operation is extremely personal and could be a wonderful experience. A person should truly desire betterment in life to even take the first step. For the first step being what I wish to be, is nothing but chest thumping without the follow-ups of what others sees me to be and what I am now. Using all three concepts it is up to me to make myself better.