There once was a planet inhabited by ape like creatures. All of their names were fred. Anyways… one day fred went on an adventure to fred’s store to buy a pack of gum. He noticed the employee of the month had the same name as his and he purchased the gum and chewed the first piece.
It was grape flavored, fred’s favorite. On the way home, fred saw his best friend fred, sitting on a bench with his brown bagged lunch which had been packed 3 hours previous by fred’s mother, fred. So fred went up to his best friend fred, and said, ‘I’ll trade ya a stick of gum for one item in your lunch.’ Fred agreed to this with much enthusiasm. Fred looked through his friend’s lunch and found 3 items of interest, a sand which, a golden toothpick, and some tree bark.
Fred’s instinct was to pick the tree bark, but thinking with his head he realized he should choose the sand which. So fred made the wise choice and headed home with his sand which. He ran home so excitedly just like a monkey should. But as he got to his street, fred street, he saw that there had been a big brush fire that swept through his block and wiped out everything he held true and dear. It didn’t burn his house down or anything but it melted his prized collection of wax figurines which made fred very very sad. Moving on to the next order of business, fred drove his hovercraft car to the Secretary of State that day to pick up his custom licence plate which read, FRED, he was on a waiting list for 3 years before he could purchase such a thing due to all the people living on his planet with the first name of Fred.
A protagonist by the name of Connie in the story short story entitled “Where are you going, Where have you been” by Joyce Carol Oates, soon learns that her trashy daydreams and self-absorbed behavior only leads to disaster by way of a man named Arnold Friend. Arnold Friend character in this story represents the devil. Connie, a horny high school freshman shows a strong disdain for family values ...
Which is strange because fred isn’t all that common a name on other planets. On fred’s way to the DMV he got stopped by the police for speeding in a slow zone. You see, there are no speed limits on this planet, only zones, zones for going fast and zones for going slow, so fred was stopped by the police officer and sat waiting for the police man to give him his ticket, when all of a sudden his hover car ran out of fuel. The fuel for his hover car was interesting because it’s not radio active or anything, it runs mud, the muddier, the better. As Fred was to the planet fred he realized that he packed his parachute, or did he… the night before fred was cleaning out his car and grabbed the parachute to have it dry cleaned.
So fred needed to think fast. He quickly pulled the release lever to the top bubble portion of his release hatch valve thing and jumped to safety. Safety being the name of his pet unicorn. His pet unicorn always followed him around, even when he didn’t want him to. He thought about chaining him up at, but Safety is very ill tempered and gets angry when people try to do these things to him / her …
Safety is an ‘it’ previously being a he. He was neutered because the neighbors copied fred and decided to get a unicorn too.