As human beings our need for joy, tranquility and peace increases when we are under stress. But when the joy comes it happens to be the real thing. Not some insipid fake joy-like experience. Not some out cold simulation of pleasure. When joy comes, it would be a true joy that has faced reality with all its disappointments, with all the boundaries. And there is nothing comparable with that true joy. I believe that after every joy there is a sadness time, and after every sadness time there is a joy.
When we are in our schools we tend to feel ugly about them. But when we finish our grades we feel happiness, that’s what happened to me when finishing my high school. After a long time at last I had a feeling of freedom. I still remember coming back from school on the last day, I threw my bag on the bed, started listening to the music and danced for an hour. I wasn’t in my senses completely until my mom came up and asked for lunch. After having lunch I left home to join my friends in neighborhood. There we played games for hours and hours until the clock struck 10 at night. I remember talking with friends about finishing my high school was like a big achievement to me. When I think about that day it seems to me one of some good childhood days. But At that time what it looked to be joy doesn’t seems to be joy at all if I consider it for now. The point of knowledge which I have reached is that thinking of joy varies according to our perception. What looks good today is not necessarily good for tomorrow.
The day was coming, my feelings were getting nervous, scared, more like terrified. Mixed feelings were coming alive in me when I thought about going to school also how I felt about experiencing a new and different life. At the age of twelve my life was shifted. First day of school came walking onto the campus it was a whole different feeling than what I was used to. New and different faces turned ...
Another experience of a true joy I felt was at the time of my baby’s birth. It’s when I was definitely behind my nerve. I let John (my husband) know that my fear was about going into something, in fact in deep work with something present inside. So we talked about it for a bit, and I found I was getting angry with myself and getting unfocused.
I felt I was going down into what I’ve always felt was an endless black hole, and a picture came to me of being a very small baby coming. The next thing I know, I was pushing out/away with my legs and arms, and I was like struggling with something, but I don’t know what it was. I screamed until I couldn’t breathe, and as I came fighting back up for air, I said myself “Stop I mean it!” I felt the pain of my life at that very moment but that helped me understanding my limitations of how much I could bear.
I told my husband what my perceptions were, and that I felt like there was someone, trying to hurt or possibly kill me. When the pain was somehow a little more bearable then for the first time, I looked down into that thing with baby Amira in it and instead of feeling all the rejection pain and ugliness – I saw and felt a beautiful baby. Then I reached out for her and brought her up into my arms, feeling her wiggling into me, all of her sweetness and innocence.
Then there was nothing that could hurt, the little baby was there and I was lost in her. It felt like I was holding me and feeling how beautiful I was, how wonderful and sweet, so strong and with so much potential. I believe it was the first time I – loved – me. I lay there for a long time in my husband’s arms crying tears of joy, laughing and smiling, feeling the love I hold for myself. I could feel my heart!! It was like tiny celebrations going on all through my body! This thing helped me in recognizing the pain in life, I strongly believe now that pain is the way to recovery and eventually to happiness. If you don’t have ups and downs in life in fact you do not have life. If you don’t have feeling of sadness how can you recognize happiness then?
Dreams In this information age, the more one 'knows' the better will be his response to his world. What better way to know oneself than through ones dreams and their interpretations. Take Joe for example. He dreamt that he was lying in bed crying. When his mother came in to see what was wrong they had sex. Initially Joe woke up, thinking he was in the middle of a nightmare. Now there are two ...