Dear Odysseus,
I, Horus, god of light and youth, hear that you, gallant raider of cities, are assembling a crew to assist you in your quest to return to your home and along with it your woman. I know much about you from stories I have heard and in turn told to others. I have heard about your victories and the unique and unusual methods in which you use to be successful in your trials. I know you are successful already, but I do feel that there is one thing that could only improve and ease your success: me.
I am, as previously stated, the god of the sky and youth. In addition I am also the god of the sun, war, and light. Like you, I have endured struggles and using my powers and talents, have made my way through them with pride and a conquering force. A myriad of years ago, I was being pursued by Nimrod, the god of plants. The reason for this is that his wife came to love me, and I in turn fell in love with her. I understood that this infuriated him, but his pursuit was not for explanation or for reasoning; it was for my life. I could not allow for this to happen. So with my power over the sun, I made it dark for 13 days. Over these days, the pansy Nimrod was deprived of vitamin A and became depressed and lacked energy. I then finished him with my knowledge of war with a blow to the head with a bludgeon. The blow ended his life and helped to begin my new one with his former wife Marcie.
I think this story of one of my many trials is a prime example of why I would be a positive attribute to your coterie of heroes. In addition to depriving enemies of much needed vitamins, I can take light from them to disorient them causing them to sleep often. This would allow the team to attack unexpectedly in the dark. This would be an unmatchable and undefeatable advantage in our favor that would overpower almost all others against us.
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I am the god of war. With your knowledge and experience, the combination of the two would prove to immortalize the team. I am good in war tactics; you are accomplished in strategizing battles and encounters to require less physical work. You and I together mean less work. It means less effort and more efficient living. Along with those, it results in more time to, you know, be with the ladies. I’ve heard stories; you and I have a lot in common.
Our youthfulness would bring spirit to us all. You being the successful commander that you are, I am sure knows that without spirit, a crew of no kind can come together as one and fight successfully. In my experiences, it is not the muscle that overpowers; it is the spirit of a volunteer that can bring forth the element of surprise and with it victory will soon follow. With the willingness of youth, the only thing left to do is go forward in carrying out the combination.
I know I am not the only god present in this world. As I have heard in your stories, you have and will continue to encounter gods throughout your quest. I have heard of your encounter with Helios who is also the god of the sun. I can guarantee you, had I been with you and your men, I would have put him in his place, and those cattle would have been yours to do with as you please. I would never let the power of another god overpower mine.
So I ask that you not only help me by allowing me to join, but I also wish that you help yourself by including me so that I might aid you in your victories over all who oppose your return to your home and wife. Do not make it harder on yourself by not bringing me along to facilitate victory for you and your men.
Thank you Odysseus, raider of cities, patient hero. I look forward to receiving word from you in response to this letter. I hope for positive feedback and that we feel the same on the previously discussed topics.
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Thank you for your time,
Horus, god of the sky.