While Reading the book Real Boys by Dr. William Pollack, I realized that our society is holding boys to contradictory standards aiding the problems that many of them face while in adolescence. This book introduces the reader to numerous boys who share their feelings of shame and despair in trying to live up to the “Boy Code”. Pollack feels the pain that comes from boys prematurely separating from their mothers puts them on the cycle to hardening themselves emotionally. The one acceptable emotion becomes anger. Throughout the book Pollack encourages parents to take time with their sons in helping them express their feelings while showing them empathy and love.
Pollack discusses the ways parents can help their boys escape from the gender straightjacket that is imposed upon them. Pollack exposes myths that negatively portray boys as macho creatures shaped by testosterone with no social skills. He instead presents examples of boys who are emphatic as a result of nurturing parents and educates the reader to be aware that boys express their love through action and work. Pollack includes chapters regarding the different but equally important role of mothers and fathers in bringing up their sons. He also writes about the effect of healthy relationships with peers and the devastation that some boys feel when they discover they are homosexual. Pollack takes on the schools in failing boys in a number of ways but specifically for failing to understand the Boy Code. Boys continue to lose self-esteem as the mask of masculinity tightens and they conform to what society expects from them, interfering with their ability to learn effectively.
The Review on Danny Boy Monk One Book
Way Back in the Ozarks Book Report Part One Title - Way Back in the Ozarks Author - Howard Hefley# Of Pages - 262 Publisher - Copyright Date - November 1992 Part Two This novel is about a young boy's life (the author). It starts of f him describing his hometown and how life was back then. The name of his town is Judy. Then it goes start into his life story. He ask his dad if can go hunting with ...
Dr. Pollack not only gives us the problems that face the adolescent boy he also gives us suggestions to remedy and rectify the situation. This is nice instead of simply offering negative statements he actually offers the reader a solution. Another beneficial aspect of Dr. Pollacks writing is the fact that he uses so many references to his research and the research of other notable psychologists instead of over emphasizing the personal instances in his own life. When he wants to emphasize a point with a real life person, he uses a third party.
When speaking of these contradictory codes that a young boys is taught to live by, Dr. Pollack says: “Boys have had to learn to walk a fine line. Have intimacy without sentimentality, have closeness without long conversations, and empathy without words” (p. 372).
This is impossible for anyone to achieve and especially difficult when a young man is being taught by society that this is the key to becoming a true man. Pollack has sharply clarified vital issues of shame and its multiple effects on developing boys. The recent Littleton, CO events should come as no real surprise; the perpetrators had suffered a lifetime of ridicule, exclusion, physical and psychological abuse and shame, quite apart from apparent parental indifference.
Dr. Pollack does not leave us guessing; he offers us eight things we can do to avoid this gender labeling. He also offers us many suggestions to become closer to our boys and aid in opening the lines of communication. This, along with the numerous examples of actual boys and their individual situation make us feel trusting in the advice Dr. Pollack gives. The author recommends that parents and society begin to accept boys in the full spectrum of human emotion, that they be freed from the “gender straightjacket” much as women have been progressing towards being freed of our own in the last decades. He urges parents to stay connected to their boys, always available to listen empathically, acknowledging the difficulties the boys encounter in their daily life.
The Essay on ''How Boys Become Men" By Jon Katz
In the article “How Boys Become Men,” Jon Katz gives us some examples to explain why men grow up to be insensitive. Katz points out that boy are supposed to learn how to handle things by themselves and hide their weakness and tears. Boys always pressured to be tough and not allowed showing any emotions and fears. Boys’ growing up experiences has prepared their adulthoods, all the ...
We are to make our homes safe havens where boys can be themselves and safely talk about and express feelings and concerns. We are to encourage and sponsor boy relationships with friends of both sexes, so that they may develop relationships of greater emotional intimacy and support. We are to guard against coaches and teachers who shame boys when they make mistakes or fail. Parents must stay involved in their son’s activities whether in school or in sports to make sure they are in a supportive environment, helping school personnel to abandon the “gender straightjacket” mentality, and talking to other parents and teachers about the myths of boyhood and the need to free boys from it. Pollack makes a passionate plea to society to help boys by shedding our gender stereotypes and begin accepting a full range of personal expression. While there are numerous truths in this book, boys relative to girls are doing worse in school; the path to manhood is more hazardous than the path to womanhood.
Men have historically been with a feeling or vulnerability and ability to express their feelings? You would have to live in an utter vacuum without any awareness of history or literature or art or religion or anything to believe that the ideal of manhood implies lack of emotion or lack of caring or sensitivity. Yes some men have been hardened and some men and women have used shame to raise children, but this reflects the shortcoming of human nature not some historical failure of the culture to understand what men are or should be. The book suggests that boys need to express their feelings more and then indicates that boys typically express their feelings through action not talk. It equates enforcing behavior codes with shaming and rejection. It suggests the answer to the problem is to give even greater authority to public institutions to raise our children by assigning one-on-one mentors to each child in the public schools. As if the public schools weren’t already trying to do more than they are capable of or even should be attempting. Pollack derides traditional notions of masculinity and then emphasizes the importance of sports to healthy development of masculine identity.
Boys are being asked to conform to unrealistic expectations, and they are in frightening numbers being asked to do it without fathers. Pollack talks on breaking down gender stereotypes; he seems to perpetuate them by seeming to insist that the mom be the central part of upbringing. Extensive sections on single moms but the only discussion of single dad households is two sentences which state that research showing relatively positive outcomes (i.e. relative to mom getting sole custody, not relative to intact families) is controversial. Pollack notes that Dads are more likely to suffer from depression after a divorce but does not draw the logical reason. Dads lose far more than moms in a divorce. Yes moms economic status goes down more, but she tends to keep what is really important…
The Essay on How can schools make the best use of information technology in the classroom?
In this globalize society, information technology is important in our life. Information technology makes our life easier in various aspects. What is Information technology? Information technology is a term that encircle all form of technology used to create, store, exchange, and use information in its various forms such as business data, voice conversations, still images, motion pictures, ...
the kids. Even today the courts are horribly biased against men in divorce cases. A mom must be totally unfit to not get at least joint custody, dad has to fight for minimal visitation rights. These are however minor quibbles with the book, the central principle of the book: Todays boys are in big trouble, and much of that trouble stems from never being allowed to show any negative emotion other than anger, is a very important one. Boys are not toxic they need our love and support, even if they put on a tough self-sufficient disguise..
