Listening The main components in good listening are paying attention and seeking to understand the other person. Perhaps the greatest obstacle to a good dialogue comes from one person trying desperately to be heard without listening, validating and responding to what the other person feels is important. When both people want to be heard and neither is listening, it is difficult to achieve the give and take of a good dialogue. “This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” james 1: 19 NAS In this brochure, you will learn the techniques and process for promoting a healthy dialogue. However, more important than techniques and process is having a good heart: dealing with one’s selfishness and treating others with respect.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Phil. 2: 3&4 NAS When the heart and values are in place, techniques will help a person be more competent in the process of communication. It is important that listeners give some feedback (reflective listening) so the speakers know they are being heard. Feedback includes eye contact and positive body language responses, such as appropriate facial expressions, nods and posture. On the opposite page, you will see examples of Reflective Listening, which is a verbal response to the message. Validating After Reflective Listening comes Validation.
Are your ears open? ? Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you? d have preferred to talk. ? (Deep and Sussman 76) Upon studying listening within another course, the vast and somewhat unclear subject began to become clearer. The act of listening entails in-depth processes that elude a majority of people? s knowledge. The act of listening involves four main parts: hearing, ...
Validation shows that the other person’s perspective and experience are important to you, and it expresses respect for the other person’s perspective and experience. Jesus was validated by God the Father when he started his ministry. He believed he was the son of God. “And after being baptized, Jesus went up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove, and coming upon him, and behold a voice out of the heavens, saying, ‘This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased.’ ” Matthew 3: 16, 17 NAS You may say, “What if I didn’t agree with what was said? What if she / he was wrong? The house wasn’t that messy. The kids were not looking like orphans. He / she was overreacting!” Your view may contradict the other person’s view of a situation.
Validation is an affirmation of a subjective reality, not an objective reality. It communicates that you value and care about the person with whom you are communicating. It does not mean you agree with their perspective, but that you are willing to get close enough to understand and care about them. Your validation empowers the other person to keep sending their message, where invalidation frustrates and invites him / her to feel powerless or worthless.
In a dialogue both people need to listen, validate, and respond, so there is a mutual respect. Responding After a message has been reflected and validated, the listener needs to give a response. “What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith, but he has no works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and be filled’, and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.” James 2: 14-17 NAS. Listening is not enough; you have to act on what you heard! What will you do about what you have heard? You may want your side told and heard before you feel ready to respond and make a commitment.
At this point you need to give an honest and respectful response to come to a resolution or begin working on a resolution. Responding is based on having a good heart and healthy values. You must care how you affect the other person. Without defending or justifying yourself, take responsibility for your part in the relationship through your response. Often, responses are not honest. People placate and please just to avoid conflict, rather than dialoguing to get a resolution that both can live with.
Everyone always has to have a place to be born, a place to grow up and a place to become yourself. It’s true that emotional aspects influence profoundly upon how one visualizes home. However, physical aspects are the house of home. Without land, a physical place, the picture about home in one’s soul will not come out easily. In fact, many people who are capable of building thousand houses ...
Responding communicates good will and helps define the solution. Responding says, “I value you” and allows the listener to send a message back that he / she cares and wants a relationship; that he / she is willing to do his / her part in the relationship to make it work. Summary Reflective listening is paraphrasing, describing or summarizing what the other person is saying. At first, this may seem mechanical and phony but it will become natural with practice. Following is an example of reflective listening: (Wife is at a meeting and expects her husband to have things in order and their children in bed before she comes home.
) o (Message sent) “I came home last night and this place was a mess. Nothing was picked up, the living room was a man trap and the kids looked like orphans.” o (Message reflected) “You were pretty upset last night over the chaos in our house when you got home.” Reflecting is receiving the message, acknowledging that you have heard it, and waiting to see if you heard it right. There are three things to look for and reflect back: o Listen for the content of what was said – the facts or information given. o Reflect the emotional message – more difficult to do but extremely helpful – (Emotion reflected) “You felt imposed upon by the mess and chaos in the house when you returned home and were very frustrated with me.” o Listen for the desire and reflect it back.
(Desire reflected) “You wanted the house to be in order and the children in bed when you came home last night.” Validation is making the other person’s perspectives and experience important to you. o (Validation) “You expected the house to be cleaned up & the kids to be in bed when you got home. I can see how you feel frustrated.” Responding is acting on what you heard, while communicating good will. o (Response) “I know when you got home you felt imposed upon and responsible to finish cleaning the house and putting the kids to bed.
Homer: His Life and His Works Greeks had used writing since c. 1400 BC, but it was not until the late 8 th century BC that their literature was first written down. Greek literature began in Ionia with the brilliant epics of Homer, the Iliad and the Odyssey. These mature products of a long tradition of oral poetry brought together a vast body of divine and heroic myths and sagas that served as a ...
I don’t want to put more work on you. This is my responsibility and I will work harder on eliminating chaos in the house. May I explain to you why I did not have these things done?”.