In the olden days in China, they had arranged marriages in order to avoid the incompatibilities of astrological signs. Today, we have the option of choice when it comes to whom we love. In the Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, Lindo Jong’s marriage is set at the age of two. She was told that one day she would be wed to Tyan-yu. An arranged marriage may be a basis for close friendship and even a love, as one would refer to a sibling or close friend. However, if your spouse is not someone that you loved in the first place, then I do not believe that it can be a good arrangement.
The Red Candle is the story of Lindo and Tuan-yu’s marriage. It discusses in a compelling way how a young girl escaped a future of despair without bringing her family shame. The story opens with a vivid comparison to Lindo’s marriage; an American movie in which the handsome soldier returns form war to the girl he left behind. They are married and it, like most movies, ends in a happily ever after setting. Lindo’s marriage was not so. “Taiyuan ese mothers continued to choose their daughters-in-law, ones who would raise proper sons, care for the old people, and faithfully sweep the family burial grounds long after the old ladies had gone to their graves.” This was Amy Tan’s description of the process of creating an arranged marriage.
The process is one of great value. In Lindo’s case, a traditional matchmaker chose her destiny. Lindo was forced to move in with Tyan-yu’s family when her family’s home was destroyed. This occurred when she was only twelve years old. Lindo was forced at a young age to come to terms with questionable situations. In America, we are not exposed to such devastating situations till we have fully matured.
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But yet Lindo found a way to grow up while under extreme pressure. “Can you see how the Hangs almost washed their thinking into my skin? I came to think of Tyan-yu as a god, someone whose opinions were worth much more than my own life,” Lindo says just before she was wed to Tyan-yu. She saw Tyan-yu everyday and cared for him, but there was no love. She says that she thinks of him as a god, but that it was merely the Haung’s brainwashing.
When they called Lindo to be wed, she began to cry bitterly about her parent’s promise, and she remained awake all of her wedding night thinking and crying about how horrible her life would be. Clearly, spoiled Tyan-yu is not someone that Lindo would love, and didn’t even much like. Lindo and Tyan-yu could get along, however, as she says, “I learned to love Tyan-yu, but it is not how you think.” From the way that she speaks of him, it seems that Lindo and her husband were more like distant cousins; able to be kind to each other, but not very close. It just wasn’t right for Lindo to be married to someone like Tyan-yu, whom she could never love. It is possible to learn to care for someone, but not to truly fall in love with them in the most consuming way. Quickly, Lindo formulated a plan to escape her loveless marriage.
She did so without bringing shame to herself or her family, and escaped to America with a promise to never speak of her original marriage. Lindo found love in America and was re-wed. I believe that an arranged marriage, is an interesting issue brought up in The Joy Luck Club. Lindo Jong learned to love her matched husband, but in the way we think of love to a spouse in America.
It is my opinion that you could become a close friend, but if you are not compatible people in the first place, it is very unlikely that you will fall in love. “Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.”.