Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward The legacy of parental abuse is one that continues to haunt person throughout his life. The emotional traumas, inflicted by such abuse, cannot be healed easily and it usually takes a long time, before painful memories can be erased from ones memory. Reading Susan Forwards book Toxic Parents helped me to deal with my own psychological trauma, which came as a result of my upbringing by a single mom, back in Soviet Union. In a way, my childhood experiences can be thought of as classical case of child abuse. My mom used to drink very often and, besides being constantly afraid of her hitting me, I also used to be ashamed of the fact that my mom was an alcoholic.
I remember the time when she walked into my school one day, during the classes, being barely able to stand on her feet Up to this day, I have a hard time going to sleep when the memories of my childhood pass through my mind. Nevertheless, I cant say that I hate my mother because of how she used to treat me. In fact, I feel sorry for her. This always used to puzzle me how can person, who was being continuously abused by its parents, can still have an emotional attachment towards them? Susan Forward largely answers this question: Every child strives for its parents love and he will go as far as imagining such love, if he cannot find it in real life (Forward, p. 23).
Forward describes childs emotional attachment towards its parents as some kind of self-defense mechanism, which allows such child to percept the surrounding reality, without sustaining much of psychological damage. It appears that Forward has dedicated a great deal of time, researching the matter.
The Essay on Should Parents Spank Their Children
There are many different ways to educate children but it is sure that parents just spank children when there is no way because no one want to hurt their children. Some people say that “spare the rob and spoil the child”,but I think that parents should not use spank as a punishment for children. People should not spank their childrend for many reasons. First,It cause many bad effects on ...
In introduction to her book she says that the cases of child abuse vary to such a degree that it is quite impossible to characterize them with a single term. Still, she says that there is one word that adequately describes the abusive parents toxic. This is because the painful memories of own parents inadequacy are most likely to continue poisoning ones life to the very end: It is tremendously difficult to regain feelings of trust and safety once they have been trampled by parents. All of us develop our expectations about how people will treat us based on our relationships with our parents (Forward, p. 123).
The chapters in Forwards book are dedicated to the description of classical cases of parents inadequacy: parents alcoholics, controllers, verbal abusers, physical abusers and sexual abusers.
She describes the factors that contribute towards including ones parents in either of above-mentioned categories. I personally had a particular interest in reading Chapter 4 Parents Alcoholics, as it appeals to me directly. In it, Forward makes a point that alcoholism is not just a bad habit, but serious illness. The realization of this fact helps like nothing else to find reconciliation with its parents, on the part of grown-up children. This is the first step towards emotional healing Author also suggests that children must be aware that the alcoholism of their parents is a very common problem in American families. This will help them to deal with it, because they wont feel as if their sufferings have an exclusive nature.
I agree with the author about this, still, in my opinion, her book does not provide readers with definite recipes of how to heal ones emotional damage. Forward uses vague terms like: mending emotional wounds or soothing the pain but she does not offer a concrete techniques of how to accomplish it to the reader. Basically, she just tries to represent a common sense knowledge as something that was recently discovered by her. As a matter of fact, I have the reasons to doubt whether she fully understands the full scope of the problem, since her parents never abused her, as she admits it in her book. I think that the popularity of Forwards book is only caused by its title, which is original enough to catch peoples eye. Yet, it doesnt contain anything new. Forward tends to be quite forgiving, when it comes to analyzing the cases of parental abuse: Parents are only human, and have plenty of problems of their own.
The Term Paper on Problem Solving How Do We Combat Child Abuse
Imagine being a young child. Picture that someone is mistreating you, and you are completely unable to retaliate in any way. Imagine what would be running through your mind, all of the fear and hatred that you can do nothing with except hold it all inside. The United States government defines child abuse specifically as [a]ny recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which ...
And most children can deal with an occasional outburst of anger as long as they have plenty of love and understanding to counter it (Forward, p. 5).
This thought appears to be very reasonable, but I think that it is wrong to assume a laid-back approach, while dealing with cases of sexual abuse, on the part of parents. There is nothing on Earth that could justify such their behavior and it should draw immediate legal consequences, rather than philosophizing on the subjects of soothing and forgiveness. It is very symptomatic that there are more pages in Forwards book, dedicated to the wrongness of spanking than to the pure evil of childs sexual abuse. The watchdogs of political correctness will spill the rivers of crocodile tears over the poor child who was being occasionally spanked by his parents to straighten him out, while they usually do not appear as being quite as emotionally distressed, when they hear of adults abusing their children sexually.
The case of Michael Jackson illustrates this point better than anything else everybody just seem to only care about the damage that his recent child-abuse allegations can cause to his reputation, while this freak shouldve been simply taken to jail. Nevertheless, I agree with Susan Forward when she says: It’s not always easy to figure out whether your parents are, or were, toxic. A lot of people have difficult relationships with their parents. That alone doesnt mean your parents are emotionally destructive. Many people find themselves struggling on the cusp, questioning whether they were mistreated or whether theyre being oversensitive (Forward, p. 9).
I think that it is wrong to jump to conclusions, while analyzing the cases of parental abuse, except sexual one. Back in Soviet Union, I had a friend who used to complain that his mom wasnt giving him enough lunch-money, when he was at school.
The Research paper on High School Parents People Children
Music, Society, and the Columbine High School Tragedy By Adam Salomon Violence, it is the last resort of the oppressed. Since biblical times, it has also played the lead role in many events, starting with the murder of Abel by Cain. Religious wars, that still exist to this day, have broken out across the world due to oppression. The act of showing furious outrage has become part of the human ...
He really couldnt buy much with what he was being given by his mother, comparing to other kids at school. Yet, this was not because his mother was trying to save on him, quite contrary she used to give him all she had, often denying herself a basics, because her pension was only 30 rubles a month Toxic Parents can be described as generally therapeutic. Although, I think that it doesnt contain practical techniques, which are meant to help repairing the emotional damage. It is highly doubtful that such damage can ever be repaired. There are many discussion groups in every American city, which are meant to help people to deal with this problem. Basically, people are encouraged to open themselves up during discussion sessions. By doing this, they are expected to receive an emotional relief.
Still, the practice shows that such groups effectiveness accounts for 30% at best. I think that the psychological approach to repairing damage, caused by toxic parents cannot be thought as only the appropriate one, because it emphasizes on reassessing painful experiences, rather then on simply eliminating them from ones memory. For as long as person if capable to think logically, hell be able to overcome toxication, by simply admitting the fact that whatever is done is done. The question is only whether the damage will continue to affect ones life (and it will if person is being continuously focused on it), or it will be suppressed by the cheer will power. The strong people realize that sometimes we have to suck it up and carry on, instead of indulging in whining. The principle of contemporary techniques, which are meant to help people to regain their confidence in themselves, is quite simple: the more tears – the more relief.
Nevertheless, it appears that there is no reason to be depressed over having toxic parents, for as long as poisoning hasnt occurred on biological level. My mom wasnt an alcoholic, at the time I was born. I dont have any inherited diseases isnt it a good enough reason to be able top carry on with my life and enjoy it to the full extent? To conclude this, Id like to say that I would recommend Toxic Parents for reading, but it would be wrong to expect this book to result in miracle healing. Author addresses the issue from her own prospective, but every reader has its own unique outlook on the problem. Therefore, Forwards book can only benefit those who want to find in it a confirmation of their own conclusions; they had come to a long ago.
The Essay on Toxic Parents
My report is on the book Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward. I found this book very intrusting and scary in the same breath. I could not understand some of the hurt and pain parents inflict on their children. I do come from a home that was destroyed by divorce, alcohol and drug use. I can relate to some of the stories and it brought up my own struggles and made me question my own parents. I dont ...
