But then, I met a girl. I was finally privy to the cliche mystery of life. This girl liked me. She thought I was attractive. She liked what I had to say. We would lay in bed together all night making love, talking, holding on to each other like our lives depended on it.
From the moment we got back together, my wife was different. Distant, cold, angry. Needless to say, I was more than a little put off. I was confused because I felt like she had suddenly become a completely different person than who I’d fallen in love with. Like the flipping of a light switch she had changed. Suddenly, whenever we would talk, it wouldn’t be about how perfect we were together, it would be about how she wasn’t sure she was attracted to me, wasn’t sure she was heterosexual, wasn’t sure she could ever be happy unless she was able to flirt / fuck whoever she ‘felt a spiritual connection with’.
But I didn’t want to acknowledge that something was wrong. Why, you ask? Because once again I had nowhere else to go. I didn’t have a life for myself, couldn’t make a life for myself, that didn’t have her in it. And her being unfaithful could not have fit that life, so I just pretended it wasn’t happening. Tried to pretend like I could trust her again, pretend that I wasn’t bothered by the fact that she was withholding all affection from me and claiming she couldn’t feel physical passion while at the same time was sucking off a guy in his parents’ house and sleeping on his floor so his parents wouldn’t suspect anything was going on. For another two years I tried to make things work.
I woke up in the middle of the night after the weird noise coming from my brother Jake’s room. It was his alarm that made such noise. He has an important high school exam today. Apparently he thought that having a fire drill sound as his alarm tune would surely wake him up, it did but it woke all of us up. After finally being able to sleep again, I woke up around eight o’clock. I was thirty minute ...
We’d have one good day, one bad day, and a month of dead, emotionless nothing. Then the cycle would start again.