Having been married for over 11 years, I knew I didn’t have the “perfect marriage” however, I don’t believe that there really is such a thing. Every couple has issues they struggle through. I honestly believed that I had a good happy marriage. I loved my wife and told her so as much as I could. I never cheated on her, I came home to her every night, and our sex life was above average. But, my wife destroyed everything I believed in and held close to my heart when I found on she had been unfaithful to me.
I suspected something was wrong months before I found out the truth. She was being distant and callous to me. Our sex life began to diminish. I asked what was wrong and she confirmed with me that everything was fine. What a sucker I am for a woman, I believed every word she told me. This went on for a few months and during that time, I began to pick up on things that lead me to believe she may be screwing around. She was spending a lot more time than usual on the computer and every time I walked by her when she was on the computer, she couldn’t minimize the screen fast enough. Sometimes she even just shut off the monitor to prevent me from seeing what she was doing. When she did that, I asked “what are you trying to hide from me?” She said, “What’s with the 20 questions?” “Why are you so paranoid?” “Just tell me what you’re hiding” I said. We would argue from that point and I got nothing out of her.
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If she wouldn’t tell me what is going on, I had to find out myself. I installed a software program on the computer that recorded every web site that was visited. It didn’t take long to find out what was going on. I discovered that she had been doing on-line dating. I was shocked! That evening I confronted her with this recent discovery. Once again she assured me that it was nothing. She was just playing around. She said “Its just words, it doesn’t mean anything.” I said “Yea, to you it doesn’t mean anything, but to me it means you are looking for something else!” We talked for a couple of hours and she told me she wasn’t going to do the online dating thing any longer. I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach and just couldn’t catch my breath. But that was nothing compared to what I would find out the next day.
I had a strong feeling there was still more to uncover. Not only did the software program I installed monitor web sites, it also recorded every key stroke that was made. I found out that she had several explicit e-mail addresses with logins such as firstname.lastname@example.org that I was unaware of. The program gave me enough information to get her password as well. I wanted to be able to see the contents of her secret account so I went in late to work to check it out. Even though I had strong suspicions of infidelity, I was not prepared for what I discovered.
All my suspicions were true. There were very explicit and graphic e-mails to and from several different men over the past 9 months recounting specific sexual escapades. As I read the numerous letters my heart fell out of my chest. I couldn’t breathe; my hands were shaking so badly I couldn’t keep them on the keyboard. My stomach began to tighten. I was so upset I felt like vomiting. I ran to the bathroom and began to dry heave. I couldn’t contain my emotions and burst out in tears in the bathroom. Countless questions ran through my brain all at the same time. How could she do this to me? What did I do to deserve this after all that I have done for her? I felt like my whole life was stripped away from me. I asked myself, what do I do now? Should I divorce the bitch? What about the kids? When I finally gained some of my composure back, I printed all the emails and went back home to confront her with all the evidence. There was no way she could deny it anymore.
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When I got home that evening, I gathered my strength and approached her. I asked “Is there anything you want to tell me?” She replied, “About what?” I said, “Don’t deny it anymore, I know everything about what you have been doing behind my back now and have the proof.” I threw all the stack of emails that I printed down on the table with a look in my eye of disgust and shame. A look came over her face like I never seen before. The jig was up. I thought she would come clean with everything and try to explain herself instead, the first words out of her mouth was, “How did you get that? You know that’s an invasion of my privacy?” Each time I came closer to the truth, the more heartbroken I became. My mouth fell to the ground. “That is all that you have to say? No explanation or an apology?” I said. I couldn’t contain myself. I felt so hurt and taken advantage of I began to ball like a baby. All the same feelings I experienced when I first discovered the truth came back to me ten times over. I felt like I was dead. She ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it in a blender and hit frappe.
That was two years ago and I will never forget it. I wish I could. As I write this, it still upsets me. It’s amazing to me how much one action of one human can influence that of another. My wife broke my heart that day and she destroyed my belief in marriage.