Hi, my name is Marina. I came to the US from former USSR, Republic Tadjikistan. Im 31 years old, married and have two boys. The country that I came from is Muslim. Even though we are not Muslims, we kept and followed traditions and culture of this country. Before I got married, I learned how to cook, clean and do all domestic jobs.
It was required for all girls to learn this stuff in their mothers house before marriage. Also, Ive been taught to respect my husband and never raise my voice on him, even if he is not right. I remember once he came home and ask me to prepare his clean closes because he was going to the party. When I ask him what about me, he said that none of his friends take their wives and he isnt going to take me neither. I was hurt and wanted to cry, but I hold my emotions inside. After my husband left, I got inside my room and cried for a while asking myself why he treats me unfair. After a couple of years of my marriage I realized that the problem was not in my husband, the problem was in our society. In my country, men were considered as a breadwinners and women as house wives and didnt have equal rights as men. Some of women had part time jobs, but most of them were housewives and raised children.
I remember when I got my first child, my husband didnt help me to take care of the baby. Sometimes, I didnt have enough time to clean or to cook because of the baby. When I asked my husband to take the baby for a walk, in order for me to do domestic jobs, he had always found the reason not to do it or asked me to accompany him. Now, I understood why he behaved that way even though he loved his son and me. He didnt want anybody to say that he is not a man and a head of the house because taking care of the children is womens job. When we came to the US our relationship changed.
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My husband starts treating me equal as himself. Often, he asks my opinion about something and listens to my advice. Also, he changed his way of treating the children. When I had my second baby, my husband was with me during the labor, which would be impossible back in my country. My husband was excited when he found out that he had a second son, because the boy is a bearer of the family name in our culture. He helped me to bathe the baby, to feed him or take for a walk.
Even though he had a hard job, he took care of the baby at night and ran to the store if I ran out of babys food. I think we both love our second son more than the first one. For us he was like a symbol of new family and new beginning, but we tried to hide our feelings and emotions from our first son in order not to hurt him. There are certain things that I want to mention about my household. In my house, the basic household rules are stricter than the average American house rules. It is very important to respect elders such us parents, grand parents and teachers.
Here, students in schools often mock teaches. Back in my country, the teacher was considered to be your second mother and could hit you if she wanted to. Also, more responsibility is required of children at a young age. When my old son went to Public School, his behavior changed dramatically. He started to talk back to teachers and with us. He even threatened me to call 911 if I wont let him do what he wants. Because I didnt want to lose him I transferred him to the private school.
Now, he is all right. He helps me to do domestic jobs and helps his young brother to do his homework. Also, he goes to his fathers job on Saturdays and help him. This way he learns how to earn money and how to be responsible. As every other children, our kids some times have difficulties to get along with each other and sometimes we are surprised how peacefully they can play. My small son copies my old son, his way of talking, dressing or eating. When he does something inappropriate I dont punish him, instead I explain him that whatever he has done is wrong.
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The punishment goes to the old son, because he knows that whatever he does his youngest brother repeats. Also, I would like to talk about after school activities. In America, kids like to hang out with their friends after school. I wouldnt let my children to go out without parents supervision. On the weekends, my husband takes our boys to the movie or to the playground. If the weather is good, they ride their bicycles or play basketball.
When its cold outside, they usually rent a videocassette, play box or wrestling. In the summer, we usually go to the beach or to the water pool. There is one more important characteristic in our family, relationships towards family members. In both countries, people are very affectionate toward each other and like to celebrate special occasions with one another. In my opinion it is very important characteristic. In conclusion, I would like to confirm that although lifestyles here and back in my country are rather different, the basic relations among human beings are the same everywhere.
