I wanted to write some big fancy speech with intense metaphorical value. But to tell you the truth, I’m all speeched out. I could get this out of the way by saying how much high school was a drag and how I hated such and such and so and so. But that has no meaningfulness, no lasting quality–it doesn’t leave you with a profound thought or insight into something you never thought of before. So I’ve set out today to tell you about myself– things you might’ve assumed just by taking a look at me or by observing my behavior, or things you might’ve never even guessed at.
I’m not the person I project to be. I’m a self-righteous, conceited attention-whore. I have no tact and am as hypocritical as the US government. I’m not a very happy person and the only friends I have are still with me because I can easily take advantage of them. What’s worse is that I maintain that I am who I am and that I cannot change that.
I have to be in control. It’s the biggest insecurity that I have. Every irrational behavior is due to this inexplicable need I have to be in control, to be in charge, to make the calls, to be front and center, to be in the lime light, to be noticed. Every other charge I’ve made against myself is then tangled in an endless cycle–all ending up at the need to be in control for attention.
It’s not like I don’t get enough attention. Seriously, my ego would probably weigh about 1000 tons if it were a tangible thing. It’s that I can’t get enough attention. And that’s because I have this fear of being forgotten, of not being wanted. I desperately cling to the past hoping that nothing will change when it is always changing. I’m afraid that things will change and that the people I love will no longer want me. And you want to know what the ironic thing is? I push those people away so I won’t have to deal with the anguish of not being wanted.
The Essay on How Can Things Be Changed for Common Man in India?
How can things be changed for common man? The common man seems common but there power and there presence is not so common. The common man has limited needs and unlimited wants, he may be optimistic, he may be opportunistic and he may be self centered but a common man will remain common and unstable if he is powerless. Things don’t work out easily for common people. Life seems so unfair and ...
With all the bad, there is a glimmer of good. I suppose I can even be nice and pleasant if the mood suits me–although I must say I wish it were a mood that struck me more often. I do have talent, but I try not to gloat about it. I don’t want anyone to think that I am a primadonna, though I play the part of the diva well. I’m intelligent, which is a thing I’ve noticed many in this area lack. And I’m sure that intelligence will help me get far. Most importantly, I can laugh at myself. I can make a silly mistake and still laugh about it. I think that’ll help me more in the long run than talent or intelligence.
Just from speaking with me, people think they have me all figured out. Not so. There are so many things that no one can even begin to understand, no matter how many times they pass me in the hall, or talk to me in class. I don’t know them all that well, either, from my limited experience with them. Because of this social barrier we’ve all put up between ourselves, none of us can see if that person really is a bitch, or if it’s just a front. People may not always be what they seem.
