Review of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”
Recently, we read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray, Ph.D. This informative book explained how to improve communication and to get what you want in relationships. The book focuses on understanding the differences between men and women, and learning how to use the information to change your relationships permanently.
“Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: They forgot they were from different planets.”
Dr. Gray uses this metaphor to explain the conflicts that commonly occur between men and women. In his book, he teaches how to avoid the problems caused by the differences that come between the sexes, and shows how we can all achieve fulfilling, loving relationships. Two of the main topics are how men and women deal with stress, and how men and women speak different languages.
How men and women deal with stress is a very important factor in relationships. Dr. Gray believes that men become withdrawn and very focused, while women become overwhelmed and very emotionally involved. Men don’t burden others with their problems, instead, they feel that they should solve them alone. They are capable of losing their awareness of everything and everyone around them and become distant, unresponsive, and forgetful. Although women resent this, they must try to have patience.
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On the other hand, for women, sharing problems with others is a sign of trust. They can openly share their feelings of frustration and hopelessness. Women are not looking for immediate solutions, but want to be understood. When women talk about problems, men feel that they are being held responsible. Instead of trying to offer explanations or solutions, he should listen to understand.
Gray says that because men and women can learn to respect and understand each other’s different ways of dealing with stress, there is an opening for a greater understanding in their relationships with each other. Without placing blame on each other, they cope differently with their problems. If done correctly, there will be peace between the sexes.
The next important point mentioned is how men and women speak different languages. The languages that men and women use have the same words but different and often confusing meanings. Women speak in metaphors and generalizations. For example, “when a woman says “I feel like you never listen,” she does not expect the word never to be taken literally. Using the word never is just a way of expressing the frustration she is feeling at the moment.”
If men speak at all, it is very literal and they interpret women in the same literal way. Because of this, misinterpretations happen very easily and are quite frequent. A man talks only to convey information. A woman talks for many different reasons and complain that men don’t talk enough. However, one of the most challenging things for men to do is to correctly interpret and support a woman when she is talking about her feelings. Gray guides both men and women onto the path of understanding. By describing both sexes’ behavior in detail, he explains that we can learn to understand each other.
The most important point taught is the Art of Listening. As men and women learn to listen and interpret each other’s behavior and feelings, communication becomes easier. When a misunderstanding occurs, we must remember that we speak different languages and we should take the time to translate to our partners what we really mean and want to say.
By reading this guide, it is hoped that the communication between men and women will become stronger. Dr. Gray stresses that we must listen and work hard to accomplish this goal. By reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, it is believed that both sexes are taking a step in direction of success.
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