A minister welcomes those present to celebrate a rite of passage. Before him stand a couple, with an intimate group of friends and children. Another happy wedding, hardly! This ceremony is recognizing the end of their marriage. Yes, divorce has become so common that some churches have adopted divorce liturgies! The fundamental attitudes that people hold towards marriage have changed. Respect and reverence for an institution long held sacred is eroding. So around the world, divorce is becoming more acceptable. In the following paragraphs we will examine some of the causes that can lead to divorce. A lack of communication, infidelity, premature marriage and incompatibility or personality conflicts are factors which are usually at the heart of marital conflict all over the world.
Firstly, and most likely the most common cause of divorce in today’s society is a lack of openness and communication in a marriage. Lack of communication is the villain that devastates many homes; arguments explode that shake the very foundation of a marriage. While women work their fingers to the bone washing, cooking, cleaning and taking care of children, many men enjoy time spent in ‘hanging around’. It is not unusual for men to go out socializing after work, which they claim is a must for smooth human relationships at work; while they ignore smooth human relationships at home. Both men and women with career-first mentalities are quick to sacrifice their families for their work. Tired after a day of work, the husband buries his head in the newspaper or looks at a football game on television. Also, a wife may come home from a long day at the office and prepare dinner for the family, attend to the needs of her children and head straight to bed forgetting that her husband even exists. This constant lack of communication can soon lead to a rift in the marriage resulting in a separation or divorce.
People from broken families are less likely to have successful marriages. This is because of the psychological implications such families bring into their life. According to available psychological evidence, divorce is a major cause of emotional stress and depression (Clarke-Stewart, & Brentano, 2006). Depression as a psychological impairment has been evidently found to factor much in ...
However, besides a serious lack of communication in most marriages, there is also the issue of infidelity which can and most often enough leads to divorce. In today’s society a person’s view on extramarital affairs varies widely. Most think that it is just sex and as long as their partner doesn’t find out then there is no problem; others see it as a way to add a little spice and adventure to their now dull marriage, but regardless of the reason for doing it in the end someone always gets hurt. In the mind of a cheating spouse their thinking becomes twisted in order to justify their behavior. Denial of any wrong doing means shifting the blame and usually it all gets dumped onto the faithful spouse. Many married people carry on this behavior in secret, eventually developing feelings and/or attachments to the other. The person is then left searching for a way out of the marriage.
In addition to the fall of moral standards in today’s society there is also the fact that most couples get married precipitately. Society and the media have pushed the image of a romantic relationship that culminates in a lavish wedding with a fairy tale ending. After the honeymoon phase, when high expectations go unfulfilled, the resulting disappointment can fuel conflict. As tension builds, a drama unfolds in which hurt feelings dominate emotions. Love withers and, in time, is replaced by anger and hatred. Under such circumstances, some may feel that the only option is divorce.
Finally, we touch on the issue of incompatibility or personality conflicts. Today’s society promotes a ‘me-first’ attitude, so that both husband and wife become self-centered thus only focusing on their own wants and needs. Some put on the blinders when they are dating. They focus so much on the wedding that they fail to notice the warning signs, only to realize after marriage that there is a conflict of personality, distrust and resentment by both parties.
As we have seen there are a lot of different causes of divorce, a lack of communication, infidelity, marrying too soon and incompatibility or personality conflicts. Those contemplating divorce should ask themselves if their expectations regarding marriage are realistic. While divorce may eliminate some problems, it can unleash a series of traumatic events over which you may have little control.
"Christy, Allen, Joseph go sit on the couch. Your daddy and I will be in there in a minute," my mother yelled early one day before school. I was in eighth grade, Allen was in seventh grade, and Joseph was in the sixth grade. We were kind of scared to go sit on the couch. By the tone of Mom's voice, all three of us children knew something bad was going on. "Kids, you know your father and I love you ...
written by Kathicks