Looking out the window, all I could see was white. Had I maybe gone blind? There was nothing there, not grass, the blue sky, trees, people, or buildings. I heard people talking behind me, but couldn’t make out the words. Their voices were muffled by the sound of my pounding heart. Then everything just stopped and there was silence. I was frozen, unable to move any part of me. Could my instant hatred towards my dad have caused me to become catatonic? I sat in the hospital chair unable to talk, gazing blankly out the window into this new found world of white emptiness. I kept wondering if I would be able to turn around to face him and his new twenty-four year old girlfriend. I could suddenly feel her eyes burning into my back. I came back from my white world to see Brenna, my father’s new girlfriend, at his bedside playing the doting nurse, while he soaked up all the benefits of being the patient. I wanted to scream at her, shake her, and tell her how I felt about her. I wondered if she had any idea what she had done to my family. The sight of them together sickened me so much, that it sent me back into the safety of the white window as I recalled the damage she had done.
A few month’s before, my parents stood in my room and told me that they were going to take some time apart from one another. At ten years old, I thought this meant my dad was going on vacation or a business trip. It wasn’t supposed to change things for me. It wasn’t supposed to hurt so much. It wasn’t supposed to be permanent. I really missed my dad at home, and although she never said it, so did my mom. A few weeks after their “vacation time,” I was hopeful that my dad would come back home, but Brenna made that impossible. All in all, my mom and dad ended up getting a divorce because of her. One day we were a family and the next we were all in pieces.
The Essay on dad
It was Monday, may 1st, the first day of prom week. Prom was this coming Friday, and week we do silly things to get pumped for prom. Today started off just like any other day, little did I know that this would be start of the worst week of my life. That morning was just like ant other morning. Of course I slept throught my alarm clock, so I woke up to the lovely sound of my mothers voice yelling ...
Everything changed because Brenna was there that day with my dad in the hospital. He had fractured his arm in three places pitching in a baseball game, and was rushed to the hospital. I can still remember the nervous look on my mom’s face as she tried piecing together what was going on in that hospital room. She was still wearing her wedding ring on her finger, clinging to the vows they had taken years before. This was the first time my mom and I had seen my dad, since their initial separation, and mom had no idea who Brenna was. At first, she innocently thought Brenna was the nurse, asking her questions like, “How did you know to put Rick’s arm like that?” I on the other hand, even at 10 years old, could tell there was something wrong with the situation. I was filled with confusion, I had always felt protected by my dad, but I didn’t feel protected now, rather I felt alone and vulnerable. That’s when, without hesitation, I walked over to the hospital chair in the corner and gazed into the white window. My dad sensed that I was upset and continuously asked me questions of concern. I just stared into the white window allowing myself to think that Brenna really was a nurse. However, I realized that she wasn’t and my life was now a nightmare that I wasn’t going to wake up from anytime soon. I mustered up the courage to turn around and face the reality of it all. Shutting myself down emotionally, I just played dumb to the situation. Leaving the hospital I remember turning to my mom and saying “I wish I could break daddy’s other arm.” I was too young then to realize the signs of my dad having an affair, but looking back all the evidence was right in my face.
Just hours before this incident, I would have described myself as a pretty average ten-year-old girl. In fact, I was daddy’s little girl. However, after seeing my dad engaging with Brenna I felt hatred and disgust towards him, as well as confusion from all these mixed emotions. I now saw him in a different light and it changed everything. He went from being someone I admired, trusted, and respected, to someone I looked down on, didn’t trust, and hoped to never become. I was on an emotional roller-coaster that I couldn’t get off and still have never dealt with my feelings towards him properly.
The Essay on Life Mom Years High
Darin Radatz English A. P. 3 rd hour 9-16-03 The Personal Essay Throughout my seventeen years of life there has been one main person who has been influential to me, that individual is my mother who brought me into this world, Sharon Lynn Radatz. My mother taught me the life lessons from respecting my elders to saving myself sexually for marriage. As I have grown older physically, I also have in ...
A couple of months after the divorce, my father moved in with Brenna. I was forced, due to a joint custody agreement, to visit them in their house of sin. I automatically felt an obligation to side with my mom, since my dad was self-centered enough to put us both through this ordeal. I often wondered if he was fit enough to be a parent considering how he didn’t think about anyone else’s feelings except his own selfish lust. When I was insistent on not visiting him, he repeatedly held threats over my head saying: “If you don’t visit me, then I will take your mother back to court to discuss the joint custody agreement.” Eventually, I stopped fighting with him, there was no winning this constant battle. I didn’t understand why he tried to force me to love him when clearly I was so angry and hurt. Couldn’t he see that? I just couldn’t see past his deception and selfishness to even forgive him, let alone love him. I told myself I only had to deal with this situation until I was eighteen years old, and then I would never have to see him again. But like most plans in life, that changed. Anyways, Brenna didn’t stick around that long; she was gone in about a year. Which I thought was some form of justice for my mom and I, to see him heartbroken over her.
Over the years I have returned to the silent, still world inside the white window, wondering how different my life would be if I had had a dad stay in my life. I think, for me, the most difficult part of the divorce was having this amazing dad with whom I was close, and then just having him ripped away from me without having a say in the matter. All the emotions I didn’t deal with back then are catching up to me now in every aspect of my life, from dating to friendships, and just trusting people in general. Recently, dating has seemed to become more difficult. As I get older, the guys I date want more of me emotionally. However, I have managed to completely close myself off to feeling certain emotions, and up until recently maintained the mentality of: “if I didn’t have to feel, that would be O.K. with me.” The sang “Just Forgive and Forget” I have mastered in almost all areas of my life, but not with my father. I don’t know if I can ever forget what he did to our family or forgive him. I have tried a great deal to get over the hatred I have for him but this isn’t the only time my father has let me down. I have on many occasions gone on trips with my him in hopes of rekindling that father daughter relationship I so desperately craved.
The Essay on Fourth Grade Year Didn Years
College Essay Draft Almost at the end of my sophomore year, we moved to Chicago, Illinois. This wasn't my first move by far. My family and I have moved almost every year since fourth grade. We have lived in London, India and we are currently residing in Chicago. In the middle of fourth grade we decided to move to London, United Kingdom as my dad was deputed by Government of India for a research ...
Sense his relationship with Brenna, my father has moved a handful of times for different business ventures. He never stuck around after Brenna to try to make up for his mistakes, I felt he owed me at least that. Wether it was us on vacation or just eating dinner, every time I have a positive exception of what our time might be like together, I ended up walking away more emotionally scarred than before. I have one reoccurring memory of My father when we took a trip to Destin over my summer break. I was newly sixteen and at this point in my life he thought I was old enough to be a “party friend” not a daughter. I was taken to bars, allowed to drink while I was with him, and even taught by one of his friends how to inhale my first cigarette. I remember not being able to find him and getting scared because it was becoming later and later and there were people I didn’t know in the hotel room. I went down to the beach by the hotel in hopes to see my dad coming up the walk way, but there was no sight of him. I walked further onto the beach listening to the crashing of the waves praying he was o.k. considering he had a hefty amount to drink. Low and behold he was with his “girl” of the night rolling around in the sand. I was so startled I didn’t know what to think. That image will forever be ingrained in my head. Great role model right?
There’s not many instances that could be worse than your father picking a twenty four year old girl over you and your family. From a daughter’s stand point I was number two in his life, and being an only child I had never felt that from either of my parents until now. It was not a feeling I wanted to get used to and decided to start to act out wanting everyone to feel as miserable as I was. I continuously pushed the limits with my mom thinking since I didn’t have a father I could just get away with whatever I wanted. I started sneaking out, smoking cigarettes, and even coming home drunk, just to get some attention.As time progressed, and I kept on with my path of destruction, school was no longer a priority in my life, nothing mattered.Not much has mattered to me through the years, and I have carried this “I don’t care” attitude in everything that I do. Wether it is a job or school if it got to hard I would quit with out remorse.With the attitude I had, friends and family started to pull away and I surrounded myself around people who didn’t matter. My best friend and I went out one night drinking, and initially she driven her car, she turned to me and said “I have too much to loose to drive home drunk…Can you?” and I then realized the view people had of me, I was doing nothing with my life. I was killing myself slowly with not only my lifestyle but the hatred I had towards everyone now in my life. I started this year to get back into school with a different mentality. I want to be happy, I want to be someone special, I have dreams and goals that I haven’t thought about in forever that I’m finally reconnecting with.I want to do something great. I have realized it does no good to harbor hate and anger towards someone I have no contact with anymore. I don’t have to make the same terrible decisions my father made in his life. I can only strive to be better for myself, to prove to myself I can rise above this, above him.
The Review on The Transition to Parenthood in First-Time Fathers
Abstract For a couple experiencing the birth of their first child, this period can be one of great change and unsettlement, but it is a most common example of change within a marital relationship. Several studies have proposed that couples find that the transition into parenthood the most demanding with the birth of their first child. Research indicates that it is typical for couples to experience ...
It is statistically proven that adult children of divorced parents have a high rate of divorce in their own marriages. I know I don’t want to be another statistic in this divorced crazed world.That day in the hospital changed me as a person. It originally molded me into this horrible person harboring feelings of hatred deep inside myself. I am still working on my anger with my dad, it is a struggle I will deal with probably forever. As an adult I realize that it wasn’t my dad having a girlfriend that really bothered me, it was more the way he blindsided me with it. I think there were defiantly better ways to go about the situation we were in, ways that would’ve been more mature and less selfish.
After recalling all these horrific memories and going back to that day of that little little girl looking out of the white window, I think for the first time in thirteen years I am able to see outside that white window, and experience life as I should.
The Term Paper on Divorce Bill, A Remedy Or A Will To Suffer?
... are several reasons why the Gabriela Party-List supports Divorce. 3. Even Divorce Bill is not a priority of President Benigno ... Philippines is the only country where there is no Divorce. 1. Divorce may cause the immorality of the entire country if ... Gabriela Party-List representatives, Luzviminda Ilagan and Emerenciana de Jesus, divorce in the Philippines should be legalized because annulment and ...
