Shevonne Clark a dead rose that came to life
I was born on January 14th 1982, the second daughter of Rodney James and Pamela Irene Clark. My childhood home was a cozy log house in Upwey a friendly town in the Dandenong Ranges. This is the home I resided for the first thirteen years of my life. Memories of playing in the willow trees with my sisters near the creek in my backyard will remain with me forever. It was like a second world, where we returned for adventure, peace and comfort.
I made many friends in the local area, mainly through netball my favorite sport. However, I didn t go to the local school with them. I traveled on the bus, an hour to and from school for the first nine years of my school life. While most children got home from school slightly after three, I wearily returned home at five-thirty. This is probably why I never watched television during my early school years I had no time to watch it! I would get home from school, have afternoon tea, do my homework, have dinner and go to bed! Often this caused me to feel slightly excluded from the other children when they talked about all the latest T.V programs and cartoons.
I have always enjoyed school. Despite several house moves, I was lucky enough to remain my entire primary and secondary school education at the same school. It was a Christian Private school in which I attended. In comparison to my state school friends, it seemed that the teachers were generally more caring and interested in the individual student. New students who came from state schools struggled to catch up to the standard of our work.
... all over the world suffer everyday from bad home life, born with health problems, no shelter, abusive ... up of thousands of children starting at five years old to adulthood. Majority of the children that ... He starts by kidnapping the children from their homes the parents are killed in front of their ... lives of young children. Imagine the little kids you see on the playground at your nearby elementary school ...
Although I liked all of my teachers, I seemed to develop the best relationships with my English and Indonesian teachers the subjects I both enjoyed and excelled in. The teachers said that I had a natural feel for languages this continuous encouragement inspired me, and I developed a passion for language. Because I was good at English and Indonesian, I would often be asked to assist other students with their work. This is when (year eight) I decided I would one day teach. There was something about helping someone develop an understanding of new concepts that really made me feel good. I constantly admired my teachers, always observing various characteristics and teaching methods that I would and would not use.
Due to my entire duration at the one school, I have always been socially stable school being the prime component to my peer groups. The teachers continuously commented on my academic ability and the fact that I should apply myself better in class. I physically developed earlier than most of the other girls, which is probably one of the main factors that contributed to my popularity especially in my early teens. Boyfriends regularly came and went between the ages of twelve and fifteen.
Because I had been at the same school, the transition from primary to secondary school was a breeze. I easily held my position in one of the cool groups. Being a strictly Christian Private School, the peer group pressure was generally not as powerful in comparison to State Schools. However, I was still one of the first in my class to kiss, smoke and drink etc. I suppose being accepted by my friends was especially critical to me. Although I was one of the first to experience all the bad things , I also settled down before most of the other kids. This was probably at the age of fifteen, when I met my boyfriend- Justin, who I am still with today.
Unlike me, Justin comes from a perfect family supportive, caring, wealthy the kind of family that when you eat dinner with them, the normality makes you feel sick! Although steady relationships at fifteen generally weren t encouraged, my boyfriend and his family were a point of hope in my difficult stride of life. His family became my family, especially as I don t come from a close family.
... his room. Life story work did not stop with his blood family; Bill took Jordan to his old school, what should ... Everyone has a right to know who they are, and develop a sense of ‘self worth’. Whether it is a ... a dog for Xmas when he was living with his Mum and Nan, and placed a sticker there. (Open ... blamed himself as it coincided with him calling her ‘Mum’, and he believed this to be the reason for ...
Despite the fact that T.m. Nguyen s family was family orientated, some aspects of her life are similar to mine like Nguyen s mother, my mum also works long hours to support us children, particularly for education purposes. My mum works night shift, struggling to afford Private School, University and TAFE fees for us. However our success makes mum proud and feel successful. Like Nguyen, I have suffered from various experiences however have learned from them and the end results are satisfying.
Various events in time particularly stand out to me, however much of my childhood has been a blur. An impossible jigsaw puzzle has been the metaphor for my life. The key pieces represent different stages. The blur derives from choice not to assemble some of these pieces. Recently however, I have attempted this life puzzle something I have delayed for a long time. The finished results indicate that many of my life experience and discoveries emanate from my disturbing family life. Like every problem, a method is necessary to solve it. This series of diary entries was the method I used to assemble my life puzzle
Saturday, July 19, 1989
It s been three weeks since my parents have argued – a record, I think. Predictably, it began again today.
When dad woke up agitated this morning, we knew his frustration with job hunting had finally built up. Knowing that he would turn to violence to release his frustration, we ensured that we stay out of his way, speaking only when necessary.
Fortunately, mum was tired from working last night and slept through the day. However when mum heated last night leftovers for a quick and easy dinner, dad was enraged. What is this crap? he said, ungratefully throwing his plate across the room, so it shattered at mum s feet. As usual, dad ordered my sisters and I to our bedrooms, while he punished mum for preparing an unsatisfying meal, like most other husbands would .
I lay in bed, shaking with fear as I heard mum s screams. Dad was casting, one by one over the balcony, belongings left by mum s mother when she died. My sisters and I ran outside, pleading with mum for him to stop. Then, dad retrieved a knife from the kitchen, and told us that he was going to kill mum. Once again he demanded that we go to our rooms
... the rest of my family apart from my mum who had gone in the ambulance with my dad. I ran not even ... lawn and was planting some flowers which him and my mum had bought the previous day. I climbed in to ... flicked the channels vigorously, when I saw Risha's mum pull up into my driveway bleeping her horn so hard ... felt like fire warming the soles of my feet. Mum had left the toast out with the butter left ...
Now, violently shaking with fear, I blocked my ears to the sound of mum s shrieks for help. Dad was hitting her again. Then there was silence Come look girls, your mother s dead! dad gladly called out.
Today was certainly the most frightening day of my life. Today I have come to the realisation that when I grow up I will have a job where I can help people like myself. I pray Lord that dad gets a job soon maybe he ll be happier then. He told us to sleep outside tonight. Thank-you that mum s not really dead and that she s here with us, in the cubby house.
Monday, September 26, 1994
I m twelve years old
And have nobody to talk to,
About a family secret ,
What can i do?
Domestic violence, abuse;
We all hear about it.
But when you re the victim,
It s actually quite different.
Days have walked past me,
Like thousands of years,
I ve prayed for change,
While choking on tears.
Why me? Why me?
Is what i continue to ask.
Why can t i have a perfect family?
Like all the others in my class?
But i never get answers,
The fighting goes on,
They say: All families have problems.
But that s where they re wrong.
The bruises and the pain,
And nights spent just crying.
I m wearied by it all,
I wish i were smiling.
I love my parents dearly,
But not when they re together.
Like enjoying winter s cosiness,
But not the cold, disastrous weather!
Mum is frequently abused,
But what she doesn t know,
Is watching her get hurt,
Brings us as much sorrow.
My sisters and i,
We plead mum to go.
But she always replies,
It s not that easy, you know.
Some roses bloom,
Others they die
I feel like the dead rose,
God please, tell me why.
Wednesday, February 16, 1995
Recently, arguments in our household have become a recurring occasion. Increased anguish, unfortunately, has come with it! Usually, the yelling and fighting persists throughout the night. Because of this, my attention span has decreased and I often fall asleep in class. Mum tells me that I don t have to go to school, but I want to. School has become my favorite hideout. I can go to school and forget about all the anxiety and problems at home. Well, I can at least try. I do, however envy my friends who look forward to leaving school at the end of the day. Conversely, I fear going home and get a headache just thinking about it. School holidays are even worse. I utterly dread them! I wake up when dad goes to work and make sure I m in bed by the time he gets home!
... could depend on myself rather than on my dad or my family. Even though it was difficult at the beginning ... my inspiration. In conclusion, my dad represented a prominent part of my life since he was my example to ... us to have a better education and a better life. I now understand the importance of my father ... was difficult. I had never worked in my life. I had always been very spoiled and everything was ...
Today at school we talked about domestic violence in PR (personal relationships).
My teacher spoke about the importance of telling somebody if we ever experience problems at home. At lunchtime, I found myself crying to my best friend. She said she always knew there was something weird about my dad. It hurt to hear somebody else speak about my father in that manner but I knew it was true. Finally I have told someone the truth about my home life. It s not a secret anymore. I am relieved that I never again have to pretend that I have a perfect family, to my own best friend. However I m scared that mum will be angry with me. She thinks that it would be embarrassing if people knew what happened in our Christian home. That s why I have never told anybody about my dad until today. Mum said she would prefer it that way, a secret .
Thank-you God for giving me the opportunity to share my discomfort with a friend. It felt incredible to let somebody else know about the burden I have been carrying. Before today, I have been feeling like a shattered window, but now I feel that I am on my way to the garage for repairs! Please Lord, give me the wisdom of words to encourage my mum, to also share with a friend. the pain she is and has been suffering from abuse. I pray also Dear Jesus, that rather than being angry with me, she will acknowledge my gesture and come with me to the garage for repairs.
Friday, August 12, 1997
I hate everybody. I hate my dad because he continues to treat my family like we re animals and believes that he s allowed to. I hate my mum for making us stay with him. I hate my sisters because they seem to express their anger better than I do. I hate my friends because they told my teachers about my family situation when they promised not to. I now hate my teachers because they always want to talk to me about my family, not my schoolwork and I hate my youth leaders because they seem to think I m a lost cause .
... , or beliefs dictate every aspect of the Jewish life. From the very beginning we can see Sonia ... marry a great scholar and lead a good spiritual life. After leaving, she wanders back years later, with ... herself through questioning her faith and the strict Jewish life. In doing so, she paid a heavy price ... that to fear God is the way to wisdom and understanding and a better spiritual life. ' He who ...
Help me God – If you re listening! I m going insane with all this hatred inside me. Isn t there supposed to be a purpose for the bad things that come in life? If so, when will I see it? I hate myself for hating these people. If I can t love myself, how can I love them? Please God, give me answers. Please, begin to determine a different course for my life. Show me that good will follow the hardship I have experienced.
Tuesday, September 15, 1998
Today was perhaps the most promising, yet most disturbing day of my life. We discovered this evening, that my dad has been having an affair with a young pretty blonde thing! I cried. I was outraged concerning my father s betrayal to my mother. For twenty-two years, mum has been only loyal to dad, often traveling to hell and back. Looking at the anger and hurt shielding mum s eyes today completely destroyed me.
Mum has decided to leave. Perhaps dad s affair is a blessing in disguise, confirming mum s recent consideration on ending their marriage. Thank-you God thank-you, that my mum can now have a second chance for happiness. She deserves it!
Wednesday, March 29, 2000
My life is now set for what I believe will be an exciting and successful journey. Last year I was scared to even think about where I would be in the year 2000! Although my social life was great throughout Year twelve, mum and dad s separation was difficult to cope with worse than I thought it would be actually. Family fights and arguments constantly interrupted my schoolwork. The tension that existed in the home was colossal and my grades suffered because of it.
At the end of the year I couldn t say that I did my best , instead I was overwhelmed by the disappointment that I hadn t reached my potential. All I had left was the hope that I would get into University preferably for an Arts/education course, if not straight Arts. Course Advisors told me that my chances of being accepted into any of my first five preferences were practically impossible. For weeks I awaited in depression. It angered me to think that I might not be able to teach, something I had passionately wanted for so long. All I could do was wait
... becomes more serious and busier. If I compare my life now and five years ago, I would find some differences in my ... day, as in five years ago. These factors can be similarities in comparing my lives. My previous life style was completely different from ... life style and my daily expenses, at the same time the ...
I got accepted into Deakin University to do a Bachelor of Secondary Teaching and Arts! This was truly a miracle. Now I know you have an exciting purpose destined for me God. My friend who received an ENTER score of 97.3 wasn t accepted into a similar course to mine. I, however received an ENTER score of 73.9 and was accepted into my first preference, in the first round offers!
Life is certainly picking up for me. I am studying to teach English and Indonesian. My life is proof that a dead rose can come to life! Not only do I love my University course, however I am beginning to organise my thoughts and emotions, rebuilding them, to the way they should be. Although I will never forget the heartache my dad caused for us, I am learning to forgive him. I understand now that forgiveness is the only key to happiness and success in my life. Thank-you God for helping me come to this realisation and please, continue to teach me the sound approach to being liberated from past.
Although endless tears were choked on whilst focusing on my past through these diary entries, my life puzzle is now complete and now I am ready to add on new pieces!