The Journey
By Kadian Hart-Fearon
It all began one cool day when the flowers blooming, birds singing and the smell of fresh air. I crawled out of bed and was met by the sudden sounds of laughter in the living room. Upon entering, I was greeted by such piercing eyes that steered me down from head to toe. I listened as they whispered loudly. Gazing at them sitting in the couch, their words slowly pierced my heart and spilled my emotions.
“She can never be like you, even if she tried her best.” The voices echoed senselessly in my thoughts.
Immediately, I ran over to the sofa with tear-filled eyes and asked,
“Who is that you are talking about?”
They all began to laugh and said nothing to me. It was as though I were invisible to them. Slowly, I maneuvered my way to my room, feeling sullen and melancholy as the tears fell to my cheek. As I laid there on my bed, I felt as hard as a rock. My mind was on a race track, as I pondered long and hard about what had happened just now. Were their words directed to me? Who are they referring to? Their selfish and inconsiderate remarks only terrorize and torment those they mean to hurt! I believe I’m their victim.
The sun shone in bright, as my 6:30 alarm went off the following morning. I awoke with swollen eyes and got dressed for school.
“Good morning Jane,” greeted my Spanish Teacher. “And how are you today?” She continued in Spanish.
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... nothing compared to not having one of your eyes. Wear the eye protection, your eyes will thank you for it in the long ... and many other daily activities put people at risk for eye injuries. Eye injuries are common, especially impact injuries (that is injuries ... Safety Begins at Home. 1989.Injury Prevention Library. A Guide to Eye Safety. Krames Communications. January 1985. Linberg, John V. Oculoplastic ...
“Fine thanks Miss,” was my immediate response as I tried to muster up a bit of smile.
Miss Brown looked at me with questioning eyes for a whole minute. To me, it appeared to be an hour.
“Are you sure you are o.k. my dear, because it seems to me that you had been crying.” She then queried with worrying gestures.
“Nothing Miss, I can assure you I’m very well thanks.” I responded while still trying to force a little smile in my bid to convince her that I was indeed doing fine.
As she proceeded with the class, I hung my head at my desk and listened to every word she taught us that day. I felt as though I was in two places at once during that entire session. My body was there but my mind was elsewhere. The piercing words from the previous night haunted and lingered through my mind.
Mother met me at the door that evening as I arrived home from school. I was more quiet than usual, so she spoke gently.
“My dear you are looking sad, is anything the matter?”
“No mom.” I replied and walked briskly to my room. I closed the door gently behind me and went straight to bed, as my emotions erupted and spilt over into lines of heated rivers.
A still small voice mumbled in my ear.
“Jane, how long will you badger yourself over vain words that people say?”
I opened my eyes wide and looked steadfast around my room, to see if there was anyone there. To my amazement there was evidently no one else in the room but me.
About five minutes later, my sister Kelly, entered my room without even knocking.
“How may I help you?” I questioned her defensively. She walked slowly over to my bed side.
“Sis. I was just checking up on you, that’s all”. She responded concerningly.
“I’m fine, as you can see!” I snapped angrily at her.
Without further query, she left the room. Getting up from my lying bed, I stared into the mirror and thought long to myself.
Why wasn’t I just like Kelly? Why everyone couldn’t compliment me as they did her? Am I not as beautiful as she was? All I ever get is,
“You are so kind-hearted, Jane, such a nice girl”.
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... walk. They walk to a church where Miss Skiffins and Wemmick's 'Aged' relative are waiting. With Pip as witness, Miss Skiffins and Wemmick proceed ... Pip immediately suspects Orlick, though, strangely, his sister was hit with the shackles that the ... is obviously courting Estella.The two pass rude words to each other, then they depart on ... Part III: Chapter 6: Pip gets a room at a nearby inn and in the ...
I envied her so. All I wished for was my sister’s beauty. I needed the guys to like me too!
As I continued to look into the mirror, all the negative words I heard that faithful night, started to haunt me again. Why am I not loved? Why can’t I be happy?
The next day, I decided to go to school later than the norm. Upon entering my math class, my teacher, Mrs. Stewart, greeted me with my test result.
“Miss Clarke, you did not do as well as I expected. Why can’t you try to work as hard as your sister sometimes?” She commented and disturbed my sanity.
“Miss, I’m being myself! I’m tired of everyone expecting me to live my life through Kelly’s! I believe I’m very unique in my own way and only want to be me!” I replied angrily.
“Well, that’s something you’ll have to work hard at doing because your sister’s image has been painted over you for a long time now my dear.”
I can’t believe this. What is she trying to say? That I am not good enough to just be me! Angrily, I stormed out of the classroom.
In my anger, I walked right into the guidance counselor’s office, where I bumped into Charles, who was about to leave as it seemed we were both having the same issues. He stopped in his tracks and apologized but with the grip of his arm to prevent me from falling, I suddenly felt our eyes piercing at each other and it was as though our souls encountered in some high place. He was quick to announce that there was no need coming there, as Ms. Thompson, the counselor, was not in at the moment. I suddenly hung my head and proceeded to take a seat feeling sad that I will not be able to vent my feelings. From my peripheral, I noticed that Charles had taken a seat next to me. He proceeded to hurl question after question at me in the bid to console me or try to be of some support.
But how could he? Wasn’t he here to deal with his own issues? Why would he have time for me? Let alone care enough to be there?
In the midst of my thoughts, he gently spoke to my heart,
“Whatever it is please let it go, I’m here to be a friend”.
I was more than happy to hear such a caring voice just when I needed one. I smiled and said in return,
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“Thanks, I do appreciate your kindness”.
Charles continued to offer solace by asking me if I’d mind him praying with me, which he said usually helps whenever he’s feeling this way.
I gladly replied,
“Sure thanks”, with a heartfelt smile finally.
As he held my hand and prayed ever so sincerely, it was like all my anger and ill feeling towards what I’ve been going through almost all my life, I felt completely relieved. I was assured that not only was I more wholesome but that I have a new found friend in whom I could confide from this day forward.
As we were about to depart he braced his arm against my shoulders ever so gently and with the same reassuring look, said,
“Always remember – NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!”
I smiled gently and replied,
“Yes Charles, I’m willing to do just that.”
I now left with a different perception of not only self but to all the negative statements that started this whole journey.
After school that day, I went home feeling so much more confident about myself that I held my head high and had a big smile on my face. I thought to myself, there’s nothing anyone can say or do to ever make me feel inferior without my consent. I was on a journey from this day forward to discover myself and truly who I was, to finally allow people to see me in God’s eyes, not those of my sister’s.
Another twelve years had passed, I got married having met and fell in love with the most handsome and caring gentleman, and guess who, Charles, who had come made a remarkable impact on my life from that day at school in the guidance counselor’s room. He made me feel so much more complete and accepted, as the true beauty that was hidden for all these years, was suddenly beginning to unfold. This guy caused me to feel special in everyway and there was never ever a day when I felt that I needed to be my sister anymore. Thank God I traveled the journey of self-discovery and realizing my true worth and uniqueness in this life.
