“Can I have a regular king size Demurer please?” That’s what I use to say after finishing a pack of cigarettes before the day was even finished.
It all started nine years ago my first day of grade nine. I wanted to be cool so the cool kids would like me. I managed to get my hands on a cigarette and a lighter; I sparked it and took a puff. I felt a burning sensation down my throat as if I have been trapped in a burning house full of smoke. I coughed and coughed clearing my throat trying to spit out an uncomfortable tickle in my throat. A tall lanky looking girl approached me with a mean smile on her face it sort of reminded me of the mean smile of a jack-o-lantern on Halloween night.
“Are you alright little one?” She said. I answered yes with an old mans rusty voice and coughed gently.
“Of course I am.” I stood up with great posture and walked away as if I was walking down the run way of a beauty pageant.
“Lighten up” she yelled. “Are you going to finish that cigarette? I turned around and walked back.
“Here you can have the rest.” I watched her take a couple draws and blow the smoke in my face I held my breath as if I was drowning in a pool of water.
After school I stormed out the front doors to meet my mother. There she was in her rusted Volts Wagon it almost looked like the colour of an apple that was bitten into and left to rot. I walked fast looking behind me as if I was being stalked but I was really just trying to get off school grounds before the cool girls saw me in my mothers rotten Volts Wagon. I jumped in the car repeatedly telling my mother to, “Go, go!” As soon as I got in the car the first thing my mother asked me was if I had been smoking because the unbearable scent of cigarette smoke stained my blouse. She made a rude comment that I smelt like an ash tray. My mind than ran on my new Victoria Secret perfume that would have gotten rid of the odor in my pink knitted wool sweater that my grandmother had knit for me before she passed away. My mother called my name again I snapped out of thinking what I should have done to hid the odor and focused on a quick cover up.
... less effectively. Many smokers develop an annoying cough. This is caused by the chemicals in cigarette smoke. These irritating substances damage the tiny ... abrupt and not gradual as some people suggest. Be Cool. Don’t Smoke. Slick advertisements are designed to encourage people to ...
“I walked pass a group of smokers in order to get to my period four class.” I thought, what a great excuse until that old mans rusty voice kicked in which gave me sudden butterflies in my stomach almost as if I literally swallowed a few. They went away because she never bothered to ask me what happen to my voice. The next day I managed to get not one cigarette but two hoping the cool kids would definitely like me this time. Placing the two cigarettes in my mouth I began to puff. I felt like Popi but without the cigar. I felt that burning sensation in my throat. The tall girl approached me again. I was just waiting for her to notice that I was smoking two cigarettes at one time. I held my breath so I wouldn’t cough and looked into the glass of the doors to see my reflection. My cheeks were all puffed out like a squirrel with nuts in its mouth and my face as red as the top of my cigarette.
“Are you alright?” She said. I told her I was fine releasing my breath. She asked me for one of my cigarettes I took one out my mouth and gave it to her and we began smoking together. For once in my life I felt cool as I puffed the cigarette. I no longer felt that burning sensation in my throat I actually felt relaxation. I smiled to myself the girl looked at me as if I was a mad women. She put out her hand and introduced her self
“Hi my name is Sabrina.” Wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans I shook her hands they felt sharp as if they could cut me and strong and heavy like a man. She gripped my poor hands tightly as I felt my brittle bones breaking.
“My name is Jillian.” I whispered it to show her I was in pain. She released my hand I shook it a couple times because my hand felt like it had lost its feeling. Sabrina brought me over to her friends and introduced me I felt as if I had just won a gold metal of honor and the audience was clapping with excitement and joy. She said,
... the same emotions. Both express the strong feeling of undying love. This feeling will deepen over time and continue to grow, even after ... forever, with the inability to be destroyed. Time may change many things but feelings and emotions are a part of that which ... uniform in the way it is felt. Elizabeth Barrett Browning expresses her innermost thoughts and feelings through her poetry. In the sonnet ...
“Hey gang this is…. what did you say your name was again?” Suddenly the clapping of excitement and joy turned into booing and laughter. I felt a vain burst in my head with anger considering I just told her my name and I could remember hers as if I had been punished and had to write it out forty times. Swallowing hard I told her my name again she said, “oh yeah,” and continued to introduce me. I shook the rest of the gang’s hands’, their hands too felt sharp, strong and heavy and my hands shamefully felt as if I hadn’t worked a day in my life. I took my hand back quickly. One of the girls offered me a cigarette I took it and lit it feeling cool. I waited for that burning sensation and held my breath to keep me from coughing. Other than a tickle in my throat I was doing alright once again I felt relaxation. The bell rang it was time for class, I put out my cigarette and began walking thinking my new friends would follow but they stayed behind. Sabrina yelled out,
“Only nerds go to class.” The rest of the gang giggled and chuckled as if me going to class was a big joke. I turned back and lit a cigarette this time feeling as if I really needed it. We smoked and told funny stories until school was over. The bell rang I quickly told my new friends that I will see them tomorrow because I herd my mothers ugly rusty brown Volts Wagon coming down the street it sounded like a train on it’s tracks. I ran towards the car before my friend’s would notice, this time there was no looking back. I hopped in the car once again telling my mother to, “Go, go. She asked me again if I had been smoking I said no feeling to cool to tell the truth she never bothered to question me. I got home feeling the urge to have another cigarette. I snuck into my grandfathers room were he lay sleeping, I managed to snatch two cigarettes and tip toe out quietly. I felt like a thief in the night. I told my mother I was going for a walk and left out the back door, lit a cigarette and began smoking. I not only felt cool but I felt relaxed as if I had just dipped myself into a bubbling hot tub. After finishing the two cigarettes I jumped into bed. The next morning I woke up with an urge for another cigarette and for the first time in my life the excitement of going to school.
... gone for weeks, so having my imaginary friend Sarah around all the time was just what I had wanted. Sarah ... up, seeing who could look the coolest. Sarah would always let me win. Sometimes as I ... for school. She would make sure I wore the coolest of clothes. We would sit around and play dress ... blue eyes. She was petite and always wore the coolest clothes not hand-me-downs like me. No one ...
I ran down stairs and insisted that I walk to school my mother’s eyes opened wide as if she was in deep distress or in a Trans. I stormed out the door and ran to school. I met up with Sabrina together we walked over to the rest of the gang, there I was lighting another cigarette. I said hi to the gang again that rusty voice kicked in I was beginning to sound like my grandfather who lost his voice from smoking too many cigarettes. My new friends and I smoked all day it was becoming a routine for me. At the end of the day I would run to my mother’s rusty brown Volts Wagon breathing heavily, everyday was the exact same. I didn’t care if smoking cigarettes were killing me, for once in my life I felt cool.
Nine years later I lay here, they have strapped me down as if I am crazy. My heart beats faster and faster each day and in an old mans rusty voice all I really ask for is a king size Demurer and my cool friend Sabrina.
Sometimes the decisions we make in our pasts’ can have a serious impact on our futures.