Divorce: a personal life changing experience With this ring I thee wed… For better or worse, for richer or poorer… Traditionally, two people speak these words on their wedding day, the day that two become one, the day that two people begin a life together and share an unbreakable union. This may be so in some cases but not all. Divorce among Americans is rampant. In society today divorces are as common as marriages themselves.
Couples meet, date, fall in love, marry, and have children and then one day: Wham! Something is just not right with the relationship anymore, so they opt for the easy way out, the big ‘D’. They get a divorce, is this really the easy way? The legalities and dissolution of the union may be easy and painless, but what about the emotions that are still in tact? Although a divorce may be hard on the adults involved, what about the children? What happens to the kids of these broken marriages? Some parents who are going through a divorce wonder what the effects of their decision to dissolve the marriage will be on the children. Parents worry that their divorce will cause their children emotional problems that will last a lifetime. These worries are not unsubstantiated.
Depending on the reasons that led up to the divorce the effects can vary. Being a product of a broken home, and having my own child which is also a product of a broken home I can relate personally to the lasting effects that divorce has on a child. My family consists of five children, which today is considered a large family. Of the five I am the youngest by six years. My parents were married for twenty-eight years before they decided that divorce was the only solution. I was fourteen years old and the one child that suffered the most emotional damage.
Divorced parents' children vs. Married parents children Each year, more than 1 million children experience the divorce of their parents. In 1995, less than 60% of US children were living with both biologic parents, almost 25% were living with their mother only, approximately 4% were living with their father only, and the rest were living with step - families, adoptive families, or foster families ...
Because of the many years my parents were married and the wide age difference between my siblings and myself I was the only child still living at home with my parents. The day my dad decided to move out was the day my life changed forever. My parents did not discuss their reasons for the divorce with me, they didn’t have to, and I knew the reasons. I had lived the reasons for as long as I was old enough to remember. The arguments, the name calling, the accusations, the past threats to move out.
I was well aware of the reasons. Although there was never any physical violence there was enough screaming and yelling to make up for it. Usually, my mother started most of the arguments; my dad is a quite man. My mother could never let anything rest she loved to argue. It didn’t matter if it was money, family, jealousy, or the color of the clouds in the sky that particular day; she just loved to bitch.
Then one day my dad had enough and he left. Let me go back up and say that my dad was not perfect by any means. He was a hard worker and a good provider and he loved my mother and us. But he also allowed my mother to always be in control of the household, the finances and the discipline.
My mother resented him for this and when things went wrong she wanted to blame him for his lack of input. Anyway, the day my dad moved out was a day of mixed emotions, I felt like the largest weight in the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and at the same time the sadness that I felt was just weighing me back down. I was so glad my dad was finally going to take a stand and stop the arguing but I was so sad that he was going to have to leave to do it. I blame my dad for taking the easy way out and I blame my mom for allowing it. I blame society as a whole for commercializing divorce on a level that allows parents to choose it as if it were the only option. Because of these things this is how I have spent the last twenty years of my life, seeking the easiest way out of tough situation and blaming myself for things that were beyond my control.
#1- Describe how you think a sociologist would approach studying the topics of child abuse and divorce. Use your “sociological imagination” to construct your answer Sociologist’s theories understand child abuse and divorce as a societal phenomenon having, a largely cultural, social, and economic origin or ties. Sociologists may prefer to focus on the societal conditions that result in a high ...
People who are not from broken homes or do not have first hand experience with divorce have no idea what it does to a child. The sense of failure that a child feels is the most confusing emotion. Why does a child feel like he or she has failed at something? I don’t know, I just know that you feel it. Maybe it is because almost everyone else has two parents present in the home and you think that you failed in your role as child by not being able to maintain that structure in your home. I see this behavior in my son sometimes. He suppresses feelings a lot of time for fear that he might say or do something that will send me running if he says the wrong thing.
He blames himself a lot of times when he shouldn’t. However, I am able to help him express his feelings without those fears thanks to my experience. Another emotion that follows you for a lifetime is the way you always feel if you do something special for one parent or spend to much time with one parent then the other one is going to think that you love that parent more. Also, if you have a better relationship with one than the other you can feel the resentment towards you from the opposing parent. Far to often I catch my son wanting to share an exciting experience he shared with his dad with me and he hesitates for fear that it might hurt my feelings.
It is really hard for him to understand that I cherish his great relationship with his dad and pray that they are able to maintain. This is not always the case with some parents though. I could list a thousand other lasting effects or life changing instances but they are all just personal ones and my not be traits of children in every situation. I do know that every child of divorce is overwhelmed with everlasting emotions. I do know that every child of divorce has individual feelings depending on the situation that led up to the divorce and I do know that almost every child of divorce that I know personally, is now or has been divorced as well.
I try to structure the teachings of my son about love and life in a way that he will be able to relate when he is older and ready to marry. I want his choice for a partner in life to be just that, his partner for life. Although almost all children from broken homes are survivors, they often have lifelong emotional scars. It would be impossible for a child of any age to come through a divorce no matter how civil without some sort of emotional damage. That is why it is so important for the parents of these children to make extra efforts to be a part of their kid’s lives.
First I should assure you that sadness, anger, rage, resentment, hate! The whole range of emotions you feel about your parents! | problems and their effect on your lives is normal and makes sense. However, after a while, and I hope that you will keep that time brief, I suggest you to pause and start putting your live in order again. Negative feelings give one short-lived satisfaction. They relieve ...
It is vital at any age that these parents stress to their children that even though they (the parents) may not love each other anymore the love they have for them (the children) is unconditional and never ending.